Okay, short back story....
Over a year ago I kicked my partner of 10 years out due to just so much emotional abuse. Just constantly putting me and our children down or calling us names. I found out shortly after that he was on OnlyFans paying for pictures and videos. I found out confronted him and he basically told me he stopped. (This is the second time he has cheated) anyways I obviously still agree to try and make it work because I don't even know why now I'm writing it out.
Now the whole relationship he has had anger issues and this was a huge issue at one point and he went anger management and basically decided it was not for him. Anyways seemed his mood got a bit better until it wasn't and it was back to him just yelling abuse when he was inconvenienced. Now the whole relationship I can't say I'm a saint either I spent alot of my youth on drugs also with anger issues, depression and heightened anxiety. I am dealing with my issues I think pretty good these days. (No more drugs, full time great job, eating better, sleeping better, emotionally feeling pretty in control but still have those days)
Now I feel like I've made a huge mistake, I feel trapped in this cycle with my partner I feel like I can't trust him I feel like he doesn't want the same things as I do but when I talk to him about it, it's almost like his just telling me what I want to hear but his actions are not showing the same thing and his getting out of drugs for good, yet last night he went off because he didn't have cigarettes. I don't know what the he'll I'm after with this post but I need to get it out. I just feel like I'm about to explode with emotion because idk I still feel like I love him but I can't let myself get comfortable because his so untrustworthy, so I'm in this weird limbo.
Am I crazy? What do I do? And how do I do it? I need an emotional support friend to stand next to me and hold my hand because I'm hurting a little bit and I wanna keep myself level and not lose myself again.
