Hi everyone
I've posted here while I was still in an abusive relationship, and after I left it. I can't begin to express how much I appreciated the support.
I'll try and be concise. I was with my ex girlfriend for 5 1/2 years. She unfortunately is a covert narcissist. There was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse. Instead of leaving, I spent a long time trying to 'fix' the relationship with the belief that it was my fault she was unhappy/angry etc. Intimacy and sex was a huge issue for us. She had little to no interest most of the time, and early on I had issues with anti-depressants that didn't help either. When she was interested in sex, I really had no choice - saying no was not really an option - she would go into a rage.
I've been out of that relationship now for about 1 1/2 years. I had a huge breakthrough recently, where I went on a date with someone. Despite having intense anxiety and panic about it, I managed to do that. It went well. I did mention I was more after friendship initially. It went well enough that we met up again a couple days ago - again I was less nervous.
It's tricky- I am interested in this person and would like to spend more time with her. Unfortunately I have a lot of issues with intimacy and sex, caused by my ex. I don't associate it being a positive thing really, rather something to be frightened of. I Just the thought of it really causes me to feel anxious. I wouldn't even know how to begin explaining it. I see a Psychologist and while I've made some progress, it's still an uphill battle.
With that said, it would be so sad if I missed out on potentially a good relationship on the account of my ex. One part of me wants to reach out to this new person; I genuinely would like to see her again. Yet another part of me is very frightened.
I'm very down in the dumps today about the whole situation. My depression and anxiety is really challenging me.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? I would be so grateful for any help.
