Dumped by a woman with BPD

[ridefast]

Hi I am hopeful someone can help me with moving on from what I know to be a discard and end of a relationship with a BPD woman who end the relationship two weeks ago.  I am depressed and in a lot of emotional pain from the rejection, I long for her to reach out to me but I am afraid this time she is gone for good.  She has dumped me about 20 times in the last 5 years in this affair ( we are both married)  I am condependant and she has continually broken my heart with promises to leave her husband for me.  She dumped me on May 11 only to beg me to take her back on May 20th and with a commitment to leave here husband, move to Chicago with me and start a family.   I then caught her in a major lie about her husband and how they spend her time and she denied it and even called him on the phone with me there to prove she wasnt lying.  I knew deep down inside I was being lied to and begged for the truth which she never gave until a few weeks ago.  I lost it after 4 years of abuse threaten to tell her parents and husband about us if she didn't start telling the truth.  She then has been distant and just dumped me and it's been very quiet.  I know I should not have threaten her and I apologized to her and she says she is so scared of me that she fears for her life (OMG)  Most of the four plus years was a lot of her pushing me away and what I think to be lies...Never eats with her husband, they don't talk, they don't have sex, they don't have a relationship and she is going to leave him regardless.  I know this is broken but I can't stop hurting and wanting her to validate me by calling or texting .  I know it has to end cause it's crazy but I feel like I am going crazy because I can't let her go when she has been so abusive to me for so long.  Love to know your thoughts

[Jacko777]

Hi ridefast,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, i am glad you are talking about this.

It is completely understandable that you are hurt and confused right now, it is an elaborate relationship you have been in and it really does sound like it's a bit broken. I think you would benefit a lot right now if you could spend some time with a counsellor, you can separate these issues you are faced with and come up with some ways to treat them, small steps towards feeling better. You say you are codependent, I have been there, maybe you feel (subconsciously) like you want to reconnect with her because of codependence rather than what is in your best interest. 

Imagine, with the help of a counsellor you will be able to turn down the volume on the codependence, turn up the self awareness, remember who you are outside of a relationship, what do you care about, what are you passionate about? These are things that no one can take from you...nurture them.

I hope you can take some daily breaks from the emotion, go for a walk in nature, exercise, music etc. And hang in there mate, I know you can do things to feel better, talk any time.

Jack