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Doubting self after meeting someone new

Nervybella
Community Member

Hey guys,

I haven't posted in a while. This post isn't so much about mental health but I really wanted a place to talk to like minded and understanding people. Ok so here goes:

I have recently met a guy, we were in a situation where we spent a lot of time together for a week. During this time we got very close, we were flirting and I got the strong feeling that he liked me. I also started to develop a crush on him.

We have since parted ways, he lives in another city. We are friends on social media and talk regularly. I have since seen on social media that he has been in a relationship with a man.

I guess I am just feeling a bit confused, and a bit silly for developing feelings. Because of this I am having some of my anxious/self loathing thoughts. I am trying hard to forget my feelings or be more objective, but struggling a bit.

I don't know what I will get out of this post, other than some opinions etc?

Thanks for reading,

Bella

5 Replies 5

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Bella~

It's nice to hear from you again. If I remember right you were settling in to a better job, just with a few after hours transport hassles.

I'm not sure I understand why you feel a bit confused or silly for developing feelings for this person. Circumstances brought you together, the signals appeared right to you, and you started to become attracted.

I'm sorry it did not work out, unfortunately there are lots of false starts before life hands one a partner to love and cherish in a long term relationship. Those false starts can hurt - a lot. So you grieve - I feel for you, but it's to be expected when things go wrong.

I have a feeling it may be more than that. The fact you believe this person had a same sex relationship perhaps makes you think your feelings were misplaced - or that you missed signals you should have seen.

If this is the case let me say whatever type of relationship he had is really nothing to do with your being attracted - or the possibility of his feeling the same way in return

People do not always fit tidily into neat boxes with labels. It is perfectly possible for someone to go from a same-sex relationship to a hetero one - or vice versa.

So regret it came to nothing. If he is a nice person it is a real shame, but please don't blame yourself.

My apologies if I've misunderstood what you were saying

Croix

Jessicatherese94
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Bella, don't feel silly for developing feelings, we can't help these things. It's totally okay to have a crush on someone and unfortunately things don't always work out - he moved away and is now in a relationship. Hopefully you can still see him as a friend and if not, it's okay to stop talking to him if that's what you need to do. At least you know that he's not available now, and can begin moving on. Wishing you all the best.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Bella, love can be so confusing especially when you fall head over heels for someone and it seems to be reciprocated, only to be let down by something which has surprised you.
You can't blame yourself for being in love with him, but rather shocked to now know what he's been up to and to feel let down, but if this is what he wants, whether it's with a girl and/or a chap that's how he is.
If you're so disappointed then you have to forget about what happened, this maybe difficult, but the more you keep punishing yourself, the longer it's going to hurt.
Next time I think you will be more careful before committing to be someone else, so it's a lesson you have learned and an experience which will make you stronger, that's how we get to move on.
I'm sorry that it has happened. Geoff.

Kidle
Community Member
Hi belle, I have just been in a similar situation where I fell in love with someone from a distance, met , and thought this is my love forever. I ended up finding out she didn’t want a relationship as her life is perfect the way she has it. As the song goes the winner takes it all the loser has to fall., i am now going through the process of picking up the pieces and mending my soul, but I do feel privellged to have this person as a dear friend, so grateful for any blessings..all I can say is that if you don’t have the key to the door, don’t go through it next time.. love didn’t hurt , it’s rejection that does, so a soul cuddle to you and hope a little ray of sunshine will move you forward

Nervybella
Community Member

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your replies. To answer some of your questions, I guess I feel a bit silly because my feelings weren’t validated. Perhaps embarrassed is the better word. Also I really pushed myself to be more confident and I let myself develop feelings which is something I would not normally do- so I guess it just sucks that this one time I let it happen, nothing comes of it.

As with a lot of things, I think time heals. We have still been talking a bit, though not as much, and I am trying to focus on the great memories I have.

Thanks again for the support- this place is great.

Bella 🙂