Dont know where to turn

[Ronda]

About 6 months ago I came out of a 2 year relationship towards the last 5 months of the relationship I started to get the feeling something wasn't right everyone that I turned to kept telling me not to be silly nothing was going on it was all in my head i started getting very depressed about it all I kept turning to my best friend for help but she let me fall flat on my face.

i lost all of my friends because they all thought I was making everything up no one would believe me until a few months back it came out that it was my best friend he was cheating with. I started drinking a lot ended up going for DD cause I just didn't care anymore I was put onto anti depressants  started to see a psychologist which I didn't feel helped.

i stopped taking the meds about 4 months ago and was doing better. But lately I have been having dreams about everything that happened and I'm waking up so angry and i can't seem to stop thinking about it all which is upsetting me and making me angry to the point I want to

hurt them for the pain they have put me through.

 my doctor is currently on holidays so I can't get in to go back on my meds for a few days but I don't think going back to a physiologist is going to help I don't know what else or where else to try.

[white knight]

Hi Rhonda,  welcome to beyond blue forums

There is one remedy that comes to mind....seek love.  There is the grief of losing your loved one and losing your friend to. Then it comes a time when your mind is in a vacuum whereby your thoughts are stuck thinking about the events.

Time to move on.

And to do that you must at least find company in new friends and go on dates. Seek out your hobbies and fill some of your life with interesting entertainment like movies and camping etc. What tickles your desires.

Eventually you'll find that these things will fill your mind, replacing the bad thoughts you have now. Dont be too hard on yourself, this is all quite normal.

Use search to read these threads also-

Grief- dealing with it

Depression and toxic people

The grief of separation

The secret of mind control

In 1996 I separated from my first wife. We had two small children. My life was a mess for 3 months. Then I purchased a block of land and built my own home, worked 12 hours shifts 6 days a week. I soon filled my mind with other activity.

Hope you are ok.   TONY WK

[Ronda]

Thanks WK

 I have trouble meeting new people cause I'm very shy and have anxiety and after all this I don't trust anyone not even some family that still talk to both my ex and friend. I have been trying to keep myself busy with work and walking and swimming. But my dreams just seem to be getting worse there now as if the dreams a taunting me I'm now waking up throughout the night in cold sweats and my heart racing. I have burnt everything they ever gave me so there's nothing to remind me of them. I'm at the point where I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone I just want to curl up in the corner by my self 

[white knight]

Hi Rhonda

By all means "curl up in the corner" ...you'll soon enough come out of this frame of mind. Take your time....its grief you are experiencing and that always takes time.

People- they have their rights- they can talk to your ex etc...no harm done. They are allowed to.

Dreams- no one can overcome them, change them, eliminate them. I get them every night and I know they are responsible for my tiredness but as I cannot change that- I have to accept them as being an uncontrolled item of my life that will remain.

Shyness- that is you. You cannot change that very much except force yourself to meet others simply by joining a group. My wife joined a line dance group and she has a few friends from there. A sewing group. etc.

Trust- gotta agree with you there. I dont trust many people now whereas I used to trust everyone until they proved untrustworthy...not a good idea. Be wary but remember there are a lot of good natured people out there and try to identify with those nice ones to make friends with. Thats the key.

Try these threads

Defending yourself- dont be an easy target

Depression and toxic people

What is your defense - against your vulnerability?

You are not alone on an island. Your symptoms are common here and understood. You are not silly nor odd. Your mind has been tested and is trying to adjust. Let it adjust. Let yourself modify your thoughts,. This is to form future protection from similar situations and from people that hurt you.

And all that...is very normal.

Tony  WK