Breakup + loneliness = unhappiness

[JJTangled]

I have a few positives in my life.  My professional life is fabulous aside from the extreme tiredness and I'm nearing completion of a Masters degree. I have two beautiful children who I adore.  However, I feel very unfulfilled.  My marriage ended almost 4 years ago and I continue to struggle with 'getting over it'. I feel like maybe I never properly grieved or sought help at the time.  Coupled with the ending of it, I lost many friendships and my "in laws" whom I felt were family.  I have no family in Brisbane.  I feel dreadfully alone at times I don't know even know when I last invited to dinner/coffee/movie with a friend let alone when one contacted me just to touch base. Xmas Day I was alone in my home doing work waiting for my kids to arrive.  Xmas Eve was alone.  I wonder quite often whether they'd even notice if I moved away or other things.  I'm considering a move to North Qld to be closer to my family but that comes loaded with other issues.  I sink to very low points at times and consider other options which have a less than ideal outcome.  It's such a sad and lonely place to be...to think you could just pop off and barely anyone would notice.  it makes me question my value and worth to others.  I have joined a social group but that is hard to fit in with - work, study and parenting.  Just wanting some advice I suppose about how to get over my marriage breakdown and move on happily and how to combat this terrible loneliness.  Thank you.

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[JessF]

Hello JJ, congratulations on your degree first of all. And your children of course. It's great that you are able to identify those positives first up.

As for the loneliness, I feel for you. I have been on my own for several years now, and have no children. I oscillate between feeling self-sufficient and happy in my own company, and resentful that friends don't seem to keep in touch with me as often as I'd like. Social media can make this feeling worse, I find, because it only makes you feel more isolated when you do update your "friends" on how you're going and so few people seem to respond. 

I too have wondered about whether anyone would notice if I disappeared...I don't know where those thoughts lead me, though. I don't know if underneath that feeling is the thought that I'd somehow be wanting to lash out. In order to find out whether anyone would notice if I were gone, I would need to be around to witness the reactions, which is impossible! 

But as far as those dark thoughts go, I find that on the same day (or even later in the same hour) I can find myself filled with joy and satisfaction by becoming absorbed in a book, or the enivornment by going out for a walk or run, or the inquisitive face of unconditional love that my little cat gives me. 

It's the little things that keep you going I find. 

You are doing all the right things by making an effort to stay connected socially. I know it's a cliche but it really is one day at a time.