Visiting the place where it happened

[Bobbie1982]

Hi,

I was sexually abused throughout my childhood and have worked through a lot of stuff, but still have some “stuck points” where flashbacks run rampant every day.

My therapisthas recently suggested maybe one day going back to my childhood home where it all started could somehow help me...

I am wondering if anyone has done something like this - returned to the place where the trauma happened, and if so, did it help?

Ive sometimes thought about it, going back there, but the thought of it made me feel really anxious. But I think I’m in a much better state since having worked through a lot of it...

[Bobbie1982]

Thanks Lici,

it wont be possible for me to go into the house. The idea is to just see it from the outside...be in the street. Strangers live there now as my family moved out years ago.

i think I’m leaning towards doing it. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it might help. Things look different when we’re adults, so maybe that will help me to get the adult perspective...?

years ago, I confronted my grandfather (the perpetrator). When I was a child, he was a big, scary, powerful man; when I confronted him, he was a tiny, frail, pathetically weak person - not the scary monster from my memories. He died a few months after my visit. That experience for me was so powerful and it broke a strong pattern on fear and anxiety...I guess because I saw him through my adult eyes. He lost a lot of his power over me that day...that’s one of the reasons I’ve been considering going to where it happened - in hope that might have a similar impact...but I also realise that it may not...we’ll see...

[Lici]

Hi Bobbie,

It sounds like it would be the same sort of situation as me then, I can't go into the house either so I just keep driving past it in the hope that one day I'll be able to stop and get out of the car and stand in front of the house on the driveway and let the memories come without being afraid.

My trauma isn't from childhood (although there was plenty there too) mine was in my 20s, but our memory twist places and people into these giant objects of fear and terror and they become larger than life. The only way to shut that down is to face it and realise that the trauma is in the past and it's not going to happen again. We're safe and a house can't hurt us. It's easy to rationally think about it and say that though, quite another to put it in practice!

It's great that you confronted your grandfather, that's such a huge step and it's awesome to read that he lost that power over you. I unblocked the "friend" who instigated beating me up with other "friends" and as soon as I saw her picture I fell to pieces. I hope that one day I can do the same as you and confront her and have that power over me be gone too.

I really do think that visiting the house will be closure for you. You've already taken the bigger step and confronted the person, the house is just the last bit of closure I'd imagine.

Let me know if/ when you do, I'd really like to read how it goes for you and will be here to listen either way 😊

Kind regards,

Lici

[Just Sara]

Hi Bobbie and Lici;

I'm so very proud of you both, and somewhat envious of your courage. Confronting people and places from our past is surely one of the hardest situations to face. For most it never occurs. So congratulations and well done! 🙂

I hope you (both) don't mind me following your conversation as I'm learning too. It's never too late...

Thankyou and warm thoughts;

Sez

[Bobbie1982]

I don’t mind that at all Sez!

and Lici - I will keep you updated 🙂

this is the first thread I’ve ever posted and I haven’t visited this site until the past week - I am amazed at how encouraging and supportive people are here!! It’s great!! So thank you 🙂

[Just Sara]

That's great! I'm smiling because it's always nice to read feedback.

Sez