"Trauma" such an underrated word for what is in most cases, grief. Perhaps it trauma followed by grief, either way. when a parent separates from their spouse and children, it is devastating. One day were were full time parents, neighbours, community members, a spouse, a pet owner and so on... the next you might not be any of those things. If you've lost most of those roles then who are you now?
Regardless of many of those things it was the loss and judgement of neighbours that intrigued me the most. One neighbour ignored me when walking in town early to collect my kids. Eventually this happened again so I approached. "you left you wife and children what kind of man are you". My reply- "perhaps you dont know what went on behind closed doors"? People present themselves in public far different than when they treat their spouse with contempt and narcissistic tendencies... forgive me, I not need to justify.
So, you spend your first weeks on a new fitness effort and dwell and dwell, you've lost your environment and yes you are a dad (or mum) that has reduced your access to 2 days a fortnight which is from 100% down to 15%. (the lucky ones get shared 50% custody). Then along comes holiday time a few weeks with them is gold. Does this arrangement feel like you are still a parent? well, no, in an instant your are along without that pitter patter.
IWhen I left I decided to not only be the best part time dad ever, I'd also move on and become the man I knew I could be. I bought land, built my own kit home and worked long hours.
What are the main elements of propulsion that I used to succeed?
- Move on from the marriage, the memories, the negativity, the child support. Remain civil
- Create your dreams and include your children in them
- Be proud. People reacting like my neighbour are like naïve people about mental illness.
- Find yourself, there is much to discover
- Go dating, go for picnics, live life
- Laugh, comedies, plays.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999
TonyWK
