Tired

[Delectable]

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days.

Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

[Delectable]

It still doesn’t change my situation, I’m tired, of everything. The loneliness, and the way life is in general, it’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to go to Queensland as NSW won’t open up to Victoria now Melbourne can mix with regional Victoria. I don’t know why they even bothered with a roadmap if they skip steps...I really hope the city people stay where they are. I seriously doubt some have even learnt from the lockdown queuing up to go into stores, in 1930 there was the Great Depression after the Spanish flu 10 years, and we are headed for that again...

I don’t understand why people go to shops for something to do and buy things when they don’t need them, just because it’s something to do
What’s wrong with this world?

[Sophie_M]

Hi All,

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[Delectable]

I’m who I am because of others, it’s about time people took responsibility of their life and accepted they partake a part in a persons welfare.

[Guest_1643]

Hi D - sorry that does sound rough
There can be people in life who will never take responsibility for their actions - could be narcisstic ones. If that is the case best to stay away from them.
Very painful and sad though that you feel that they have caused you harm and don't care. I'm sorry they hurt you.

[Delectable]

I have shut myself off from everyone this week, I did an exercise for my psychologist who said I was to ask my friends if everything was ok as I hadn’t heard from them for 3 months and did I do something to upset them? They answered but never asked if I’m ok... the only contact I have is with the old people I help and that can be mentally draining too as one likes to speak to me angrily and nasty, I’m not cooking anymore, and besides one old person I speak to on a daily basis I have no desire to speak to anyone else, I’m sick to death of their attacks on me listing my faults.

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

You sound like a different person when you talk about your love of France and all things French - are there ways you can bring more of that interest into your life - what about borrowing French language audio courses from the library, or joining Alliance Francaise courses online - or if they are too costly, is there a local French language group you could join, or can you borrow easy books in French from the library (children's books are often a good start for a beginner), and borrow French movies from the library - sometimes you can get an inner-library loan from another library, your librarian could organise this for you.

There might be more things online if you Google around. I think there are some free how to speak French courses on the internet too. Just a thought. Maybe you could give it a try.

[Delectable]

I have French and other European movies here I have purchased over time including cookbooks, yes I’d like to be living in France however they don’t accept poor people from Australia...

My area is small re the library, there’s next to nothing in the language section. I used to go to Melbourne for the cultural festivals and would go to the palace cinema while I was there however I cannot go any near Melbourne again. The only way I’ll be able to go to Queensland is if I move to NSW and don’t go to Vic for 14 days before I leave. As much as i need to go I’m not sure I’ll be ready as my Hungarian friend can be quite hurtful as I found out on the phone about her opinions on me giving food away and she told me to stop cooking as it wasn’t a friendship as I wasn’t getting anything in return, she told me I have no social skills and I don’t know what a friendship is. Considering I had no teen years she is probably right, when you live in a hostel there’s no sleepovers with friends from school, every weekend they would kick you out and I’d spend the whole day riding trains or trams in Melbourne two days every weekend. In the end I did volunteer work at the M. S centre,

[Hanna3]

Hi again,

There are some free French lessons on Youtube and I think Duolingo has them online, if you Google that. What about playing French music - I have the cd (yes I still play cds!) of So Frenchy, So Chic - that is lovely music - & read books set in France - a good one is Almost French by Sarah Turnbull - she's an Australian woman who went to live in France. It's good fun to read!

An interlibrary loan is where your library borrows what you want - say a French book - from another, probably bigger, library somewhere else - there is usually a very small fee, probably about a dollar or two. They do this where I live all the time for people. So if you wanted something that was in a Melbourne library they should be able to get it for you - they simply borrow it from another library!

If you do something you love and it makes you feel good, that makes you come across more positive to other people, and people like that. And maybe you will find someone else who shares your interest. That's the best way to make a friend!

Also, re your friend in Qld - people like to give something to someone they like, it makes them feel good. Let them do it if you can.

Cheers. Pazzes une bonne soiree!

[Delectable]

I cannot concentrate on reading books fiction and non fiction, I cannot concentrate. I’m having great difficulty reading a book by Beene brown, the gifts of imperfection recommended by my psychologist. The Americans boast too much about themselves before they get on with the subject, I have struggled with the first chapter. I’ll have to move to NSW if I want Christmas this year or it’s not going to be possible, I cannot afford to watch you tube, I’m on prepaid internet and that with messenger really chews your data...I could live without the internet, but I need it for the weather too see if it’s going to rain when I help people. I do listen to my French music occasionally, I try not to do it much as I do as I find it harder to live here in Australia.
Moving is so expensive, I’ll have to do it short term as NSW is a dear state to live in with your car. Hopefully they will let me on the plane on the 23rd

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable

I can only suggest audiobooks that you can borrow from the library and listen to while you're doing something else.. or using the computers in the library, these are usually free, or sitting in the library browsing through lovely picture books of beautiful places in Europe, or cookbooks... and then you are with people too. Lots of people here sit in the library and browse books, it's nice - and you could chat to the library staff... someone to say hello to.. yes it's hard when you have limited funds for things I know.

Maybe you can think of other things that would make you feel happier, any other interests? On your walks can you say hello to people as you walk? You can always just say isn't it a lovely day, or something pleasant like that. If they don't respond that's their problem, but most people will!

I know your background has set you up to feel bad, but people who are happy and confident attract people - people who are depressed or angry or negative put people off - why would they want to hang around someone who makes them feel bad? I know when I was much younger and shy and withdrawn it put people off being friendly - people like people with a sense of humour or who are happy or bright... then they're nice to be around. If you try acting this way, sometimes it really does help you to actually feel better! And people respond better to you.

I hope you can think of some things to do that will help you to feel better. Maybe you could talk to your psychologist about it? It's not nice to feel miserable and lonely all the time...and then people also avoid you. It's a real Catch-22 situation unless you make an effort to get out of it - even just one tiny change like trying to chat to people... taking yourself out for a coffee and chatting to the person serving you... anything is good!

Good luck, do try. Cheers.