Not sure what to think of my father

[Frisk]

Little S/H warning

Honestly my father has hit my in the past but I only remember 2 times he’s done it he once kicked my in the leg just for looking for some swimmers and the other time he punched my in the stomach so hard I passed out. He frequently yells insults at me and belittling me for random things sometimes and I don’t understand why. Like if a door accidentally slams shut I starts to panic thinking he’s going to yell at me again because he doesn't like slamming doors but when he’s angry at me he yells at me then after he finishes he slams the door behind him and it makes me shake a little. Another time he knew I s/h and one day I made him made for some reason that day but I started looking for something I don’t know what but he was yelling at me before I was looking for something and he yells and insult at me that made me tear up a little and I started to walk away he then screamed “Yeah go f!@#ing S/H” Well something around those lines but then after he apologised saying he shouldn’t have said that and that he was sorry but I just nodded and said it’s fine when really I never forgave him because h encouraged my s/h issue and didn’t get me the help I needed. He even tells me to control my anger when he’s the one with the anger problem. I always get so scared that sometimes when I see him coming towards me I think he’s gonna yell at me like I did something wrong. I find that he’s probably called me all the names in the book. Sometimes he jokes about me being fat, Chubby when I’m reality I don’t look that way and it really makes me feel bad. My mum isn’t that bad she hasn’t called me any mean name she just yells but it’s not as bad as my dads.

[Croix]

Dear Frisk~

I'm glad you came here, your life sounds really terrible - something nobody should have to try to deal with. In your shoes I'd be be frightened all the time, expecting to be yelled at and mybe hit, and not to know how to avoid it. You are living on your nerves and it's not surprising you might self-harm.

Parents have a special place in our lives and as a result can do a lot of good, guide, protect and love. I'm afraid your father is the exact opposite, cruel, bad tempered and violent. It has got to the stage where just his presence harms you.

Your mother sounds no help either

I'm not sure it is just treatment for the self-harm you think he should have provided. Yes S/H can sometimes be dangerous - even fatal - if it gets out of hand  so it does need to stop, however all the time you are treading on eggshells and dreading your father it looks like if his influence stopped your S/H might reduce too and treatment be more effective - I dunno - what do you think?

Is there anyone in your life that gives you love and protection? You certainly need someone on your side.

I would also strongly suggest you get in touch with the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800)

If you've tried them before may I ask how you went?

They are very experienced and can offer suggestions and let you know what's best to do. You can talk to them more than once on the phone wihtout having to keep on explaining. If you don't like talking on the phone you can web-chat, though I find the phone is better.

You sound an nice person, and nobody deserves the life you are living. Please get some assistance so things can start to imporve

I would like it very much if you came back and talked some more.

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Frisk, I'm sorry you have to endure any of this because it certainly doesn't enable you to gain any confidence and only makes you frightened of what may happen next, and it's not how people should raise their kids.

Your mum may only be doing this because your dad is and could also be frightened of him if he doesn't support him.

I don't know how old you are, but are you able to move in with someone else where you can develop your own temperament and able to get some support you need.

Geoff.

Life Member.