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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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technopuppy94 CONTENT WARNING: waist of a life.
  • replies: 6

when will it be my time to rest? when will the pain dull enough to let me take a load off my shoulders? i was born with joint laxity. a condition that means i am in constant pain. when i was 2 i developed lung problems that had me in and out of hospi... View more

when will it be my time to rest? when will the pain dull enough to let me take a load off my shoulders? i was born with joint laxity. a condition that means i am in constant pain. when i was 2 i developed lung problems that had me in and out of hospital constantly until i was 8. i grew up with a daemon in my home... i called him daddy years of bruises broken bones and sexual abuse finaly ended when i was 12. the same year my older brother molested me and my little sister. my mother told me if i told the police they would take me away from my siblings. when i was 14 i moved away from home. i got into a relationship with a much older guy and we moved in together. i was attending high school working full time and running a household for an emotionally and physicaly abusive man. but that finally ended after a fight that ended with me in the hospital and the police applying for a DVO on my behalf. shortly after my stepfather the only man left in my life i still trusted passed away... alcohol poisoning. a few years passed and a few failed relationships. i met a man. close to my age and i fell in love with him... a year later we were married. started a business together and bought our first home. we had two beautiful babies and were planning more. when we ran into fertility problems we pushed ourselves even further into debt to pay for treatment. our first attempt ended in a miscarriage and all our attempts after that failed. Christmas day... we just found out another round of IVF had failed. but we gathered the family and celebrated non the less... that evening i found my husband in our bed sleeping with one of our friends. when we decided to divorce he took the business and i took the house... three months later the house burned down.. i finally accepted i would never be part of a happy family. i had come to terms with it... today i found out my ex husband and his new partner are trying for a baby it is my 23rd birthday in 11 days... only 23 and ive already lost all hope at happiness

Willen Retired Health care worker
  • replies: 4

But hard to bitch about ones life when it's almost done. No, no thoughts of suicide or homicide, just so damned depressed and feeling hopeless, what's worse General and Psych RN etc.

But hard to bitch about ones life when it's almost done. No, no thoughts of suicide or homicide, just so damned depressed and feeling hopeless, what's worse General and Psych RN etc.

Backspace Leaving a domestic violent relationship and how to move on
  • replies: 15

Hi. Just wondering if anyone can please give me some helpful advice on how I mend this heart of mine. I left a 12 year violent relationship just short of 7 months ago. He was the father of my children, fiance and love of my life. My ex Fiance is now ... View more

Hi. Just wondering if anyone can please give me some helpful advice on how I mend this heart of mine. I left a 12 year violent relationship just short of 7 months ago. He was the father of my children, fiance and love of my life. My ex Fiance is now in prison for the horrible things he has done to our family. I am left shattered, numb, anxious, depressed and still in disbelief that the person I loved so much could treat me the way he did. I have a great support network but at the end of the day I am alone with my tears and heartache raising our children on my own whilst working and studying part time. I am good at hiding how I feel (most of the time) so every one thinks I am ok or I am happy.I am not! I completely feel crushed that I held on for so long and nothing changed. Why do I still love and miss this person?? I'm not holding on to memories. .because there wasn't many good ones. It is not because he was the father of my children either as there was not many good memories of love there also. HOW do I stop loving the one person who never loved me the way I loved him. How do I move on from his abuse, infidelity and guilt because he is where he is now. I have days where I am on top of the world as a single independent woman/mother who no longer has to be controlled...then I have more days where I go home and sit on the laundry floor crying once the kids are in bed. I also have days where I still miss him terribly and for the life of me I Cannot pinpoint what it is I actually miss! Terribly lost, please help me see sense. Any advice welcome.

Tasha82 My brother, my dad & now my beautiful sister. Years of grief!
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I have just become a member here at BB in hope that I may find some help dealing with my feelings of having lost my closest family members. The trauma of loss begun when I was 25. I lost my brother in a car accident 9 years ago. I lost my f... View more

Hi there, I have just become a member here at BB in hope that I may find some help dealing with my feelings of having lost my closest family members. The trauma of loss begun when I was 25. I lost my brother in a car accident 9 years ago. I lost my father to a heart attack 5 years ago. Now just last October I lost my sister to suicide. It seems she took her life on the anniversary of our brothers passing. I am just broken! The first time I am using the work suicide is just now in this forum. I have not been able say it allowed yet to people. Denial, I don't know?!? I was my sisters 'carer'. She has suffered mental illness for many years but over the last year she has been so well & I simply did not see this coming. Again I am broken. She has 3 children, two daughters in their 20's & my nephew who has just turned 15. Although my sister loved each & every one of her kids, it was my nephew she worried about the most. I have taken him under my wing & have him most weekends now. We talk a lot about his mum, my sister & our loss however it is still just so difficult for us both. I feel a debt to my sisiter to make sure he & her girls are ok, all while I am trying to deal with my own grief. It's so hard! The loss of my sister is raw. I am not healed from the grief of losing Dad & my brother, & now my sister. How do I go on missing them all? I feel so sad & I cry every day when I am on my own. I have nightmares, most recently about my sister as I had to formerly identify her after I called the police worried about her that day. I go to work everyday & put on a brave face. I feel if I didn't do that, depression would set in. I am being brave for the kids & for my mum however now it's getting harder. I feel so sad that I have lost my beautiful sister this way. Although my grief for my brother & my dad still pains me, the way I lost them I have accepted was out of my control. My sisters death I have not accepted, at all. I feel so sad that she was in such a dark place & I was not by her side to pull her through in this most recent darkest moment. I was always there for her through her hard times & despite having suffered mental illness on & off I never once thought her to be suicidle. How nieave of me! It would have taken one phone call from me that day to her to know how she was feeling, it could have changed everything. I am sorry this post is a little all over the place, my head is all over the place. I needed to vent, so thank you for listening. Tasha

New_Moon First step (trigger warning: sexual assault)
  • replies: 18

Hello.. I've visited this site several times over the past few years, wanting to join, wanting to feel the relief of connection that shared suffering can bring, longing for an anonymous voice that could blurt out all my woes and worries to an anonymo... View more

Hello.. I've visited this site several times over the past few years, wanting to join, wanting to feel the relief of connection that shared suffering can bring, longing for an anonymous voice that could blurt out all my woes and worries to an anonymous ear. But each time I stopped myself. Compared to some of the posts I read, my situation and my feelings seemed so normal. I was just being a wimp or a drama queen, and my depression would surely wane as it always has in the past. I can cope. I will self-help myself out of this limbo life somehow. This morning, as I lay in bed crying again and knowing that I would probably spend another lost day not doing anything, not seeing anyone and not moving far from my bed and laptop, I at last realized that I'm not coping and that maybe it's time to seek help from others. It's been over three months since I've had energy to do anything. I've just scored 'High"on the Q10, and been advised to see my GP. I don't have one, and even if I did, the motivation to get to them just isn't there. I used to do regular gardening and send myself to sleep with hypnotherapy recordings every night, now I just lay in bed, addicted to the cyberspace screen and staying cocooned from the real world. I do volunteer work one day a week. It's the only day I venture out and pretend to be OK. It's a real effort. I feel as though I am waiting to die, and some days I am really impatient for him to arrive and take me. There are of course life experiences that have led me to this state, but my stories are not unique. My prolonged inability to steer my thoughts and body into healthier directions is what worries me. I'm not used to asking for help, but if someone can reassure me that 'this too shall pass' I'd be really grateful.

Carissa Losing a 4 year old daughter
  • replies: 5

Well 3 and a half years ago in a couple of weeks in fact i lost my 4 year old daughter very very suddenly. i also have a son which was 8 months old at the time and safe to say things got bad real quick. i was not doing so well tried medication made m... View more

Well 3 and a half years ago in a couple of weeks in fact i lost my 4 year old daughter very very suddenly. i also have a son which was 8 months old at the time and safe to say things got bad real quick. i was not doing so well tried medication made me worse tried talking made people feel awkward couldn't really grieve cause i know this sounds like an excuse but i did not have time. between taking care of my son the household errands i was exhausted plus after paying for a childs funeral we didn't expect i couldn't send my son to a daycare until i had no choice about a year and a half later when i got an infection and stones in my gaul bladder and had to be rushed to hospitial because i left it to the last minute to deal with it. so first time being back in a hospital after my daughter's passing and in so much pain with anxiety attacks on top of it. but the reason I am writing is i finally seem to have a handle on life but so afraid of if something bad does happen i might not get back up i feel i have tred water for way too long i am about to drown. i applied to be a puppy raiser for guide dogs the way to help me is to help others and this is a very safe way to do so but i have that terrible feeling something is going to stop it. so what to do is my question i feel lost and out of my control Thanks Carissa

Dave02 I have thoughts that the whole world is conspiring against me
  • replies: 3

Hey all, I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety and severe depression about a year ago. I was in a motorbike accident which attributed to the PTSD back in Jan 2007, after nearly a 10 year long ice addiction I felt enough was enough and I kicked... View more

Hey all, I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety and severe depression about a year ago. I was in a motorbike accident which attributed to the PTSD back in Jan 2007, after nearly a 10 year long ice addiction I felt enough was enough and I kicked that habit around 18 months ago. In the time since I quit I have stayed strong to not go back to it despite learning these things since stopping and I've done well in that regards. I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 12 months, fort nightly, but I seem to just be getting worse and worse and it's now at the point in which I don't care for what happens to me at all anymore and I can't keep going on, I've lost 3 jobs in the past 6 months because half the time I can't even bring myself to get out of bed or out of the house. I have been given a script today for anti depressants and benzodiazepenes to deal with the anxiety when needed. My issue is I feel like this kind of medication is designed by governments/big pharma companies to dumb people down/control people/make them conform etc.. And whilst I know people that it has been helpful for, I can't get the thoughts out of my head that it's all just a front from the corporations to conspire against the population. I need help, my psych just doesn't seem to be helping, I don't know what to do anymore or how to get the thoughts that the whole world is conspiring against me, has anybody overcome these thoughts?

Webmistress Merry go round day & night (trigger warning: sexual assault)
  • replies: 14

Umm... I don't know where to start. All I can say is I am struggling with PTSD. Recently taken ill COPD stage 3. Chronic pain suffered with a dash of depression & learnt at 14 to switch off. I can not stop the memories the mind games have eaten at my... View more

Umm... I don't know where to start. All I can say is I am struggling with PTSD. Recently taken ill COPD stage 3. Chronic pain suffered with a dash of depression & learnt at 14 to switch off. I can not stop the memories the mind games have eaten at my core. Can't watch news, movies or any gatherings without flashbacks. I don't know how to move forward alone. I need help that is sure but what diagnosis do I look at. Started with PTSD & rest followed. Advice given is only see Pschologist that specialises in Trauma, not to do hypnotherapy, or see psychiatrist as it will only relive memories. Newsflash I relive them every day, night & now they control me. Team said outcome to have 1 less flashback a week is what I can aim for! I just need it all to stop. But they can't find trauma specialists where I am. I don't want to be the victim anymore but I am. How do you all here cope daily, hourly and deal with flashbacks??? Trying chat here as I don't know what to do? I read all subjects yet it's burnt in. 1 word over heard & its mind games round yr 42

Punkey PTSD & separation
  • replies: 6

Hello, i am a survivor of schild sexual abuse that left me with depression (or so I believed at the time) 25 years later I was finally given justice for my trauma with a long jail sentence. I'm not actually sure the work I put in was worth it. I'm do... View more

Hello, i am a survivor of schild sexual abuse that left me with depression (or so I believed at the time) 25 years later I was finally given justice for my trauma with a long jail sentence. I'm not actually sure the work I put in was worth it. I'm doubt most would agree but I should have just let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. I was doing ok before it was all rehashed out in a court room. Although I've always suffered depression I have since realised I now have PTSD. I'm not sure if it's always been that or just got worse due to the case being reopened. So there's a small run down of my screwed up life. I am now 35 years old and I've spent 15 years with the man I couldn't/can't imagine my life without. We've had our ups and downs obviously but he just doesn't deserve the way I am. I can't trust, I can't open up and let him in. He loves me I know this but he can't show it and I can't believe him say it! So we are now 2 weeks into a separation and I feel like I'm going crazy. I just want to run and wrap him up in my arms and tell him how much I do love him but I'm so unwell mentally that I can't because he is better off without me. The thought of not being with him shatters me though. I have been fighting these demons alone for so many years and pushed so many people away that I think I'm just better off alone at this point. I just miss him so much it physically hurts. I don't know what to do? I don't know how to love him like he deserves and how to get help so maybe one day I can possibly feel loved and needed. I have a warped sense of love, my looks and my own personal struggles impacted him so much that he simply is best to stay away I know that, he knows it but I don't think I can even keep breathing at this point.

Punkey Feeling ok.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, in a previous post I said my marriage was over and I couldn't breathe, that I was going to psych and trying to finally get my PTSD under control. We I've seen a psych a couple of times now, he is amazing. We were able to talk a lot about... View more

Hi everyone, in a previous post I said my marriage was over and I couldn't breathe, that I was going to psych and trying to finally get my PTSD under control. We I've seen a psych a couple of times now, he is amazing. We were able to talk a lot about what's been going on in my life (I find it really hard to open up). We discussed so much stuff that the first time I came out a mess. I was almost screaming in pain it was so hard. But the 2nd time I came out refreshed and better. I came out with a game plan and an idea of what I can do to help me everyday. At the moment that is replacing negative thoughts with good ones. So when I look in the mirror and think I'm fat and horrid, I replace it with I'm perfect weight and my stomach is flabby due to 4 beautiful children I created it's really helping. I feel heaps better already. Still a long way to go but I'm sure I will get there. Update on my marriage. My husband is being an amazing support, even from his mothers house. He is constantly finding out more information on PTSD so he can better understand it. He tells me 10+ times a day how much he loves me and that he will not leave me for something out of my control ever. He will stay with his Mum until I am able to make a mentally stable decision about us but will not be going anywhere that doesn't include me and our children! Now that I'm felling better I believe him. If I start to question it I tell him that I need a reminder. He now understands and is working with me to make me well. Together we will beat the demons inside my head x I hope everyone is having a good day, if not know that you're not alone.