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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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cai Will I ever feel 'normal' again.
  • replies: 4

My mother died 4 years ago. I still feel as though I haven't emotionally accepted it. I know she's gone but I still feel like I'm waiting to see and talk to her... like this is only temporary. I feel confused thinking that she's dead and that's it, l... View more

My mother died 4 years ago. I still feel as though I haven't emotionally accepted it. I know she's gone but I still feel like I'm waiting to see and talk to her... like this is only temporary. I feel confused thinking that she's dead and that's it, like it's a mistake or something. When I see old home videos or think of a memory, I find it hard to relate to that person. She sounds happy and silly and I can't remember the last time I felt like that. This version of me feels like I've always been heavy... weighted down with underlying sadness. My memory seems to have gone, I don't remember a lot of the traumatic days I've gone through but I also don't remember much of being a child, of being a young adult, even of my own son's younger years (he's 3 this month). I look back on photos and most times I can't remember the moment that the photo is meant to remind me of.

QuinnH Was it actually abuse?
  • replies: 10

A couple at my church who are some of my close friends, have been very involved in helping me deal with my ex husbands affairs and abuse and move forward. However over time the husband became very flirtatious with me. We engaged in a lot of flirtatio... View more

A couple at my church who are some of my close friends, have been very involved in helping me deal with my ex husbands affairs and abuse and move forward. However over time the husband became very flirtatious with me. We engaged in a lot of flirtatious talk and texts that was generally playful, but started to make me uncomfortable. I liked the attention because it made me feel noticed and like someone might actually want me after the way my husband treated me and the affairs he’d had. But I also felt disgusted by that feeling, because I didn’t really want to be wanted by my friend because he was married. Then it progressed to him physically touching me in a sexual way. I perpetuated a lot of this because at first I simply liked the attention and physically my body 'wanted it' even though I really didn't want it from him and I think its a disgusting and despicable thing to do to my friend & their marriage. I wanted affection from him in the form of hugs and safe male contact, but when he started touching me more inappropriately it felt really wrong and went against everything I believe, but my body still wanted him to keep going and that makes me a really horrible person. I did repeatedly ask him to stop and push his hands away, but he would keep going and I wasn’t very forceful because I didn’t want to disappoint him or stop him from wanting to be my friend, which is pathetic. I was scared of losing his attention or affection at all, so I didn’t make myself as forceful as I wanted to be or definitely as I should have been.

Millers_Point_Survivor When a community is destroyed
  • replies: 1

I am looking for help coping with the loss of hundreds of my neighbours and local supports in a short time frame due to the wholesale sell off of social housing in what was previously a very strong, successful community. I have joined with others ask... View more

I am looking for help coping with the loss of hundreds of my neighbours and local supports in a short time frame due to the wholesale sell off of social housing in what was previously a very strong, successful community. I have joined with others asking the government to let our elders and people with disability to age in place but the minister is very positional and not engaged. Some of our neighbours have attempted suicide and others have being hospitalised and died. It is demoralising and relentlessly traumatic. I now have chronic physical ailments and am struggling to look after my family as well as struggling to maintain hope.

NAG New to BB (trigger warning: sexual abuse)
  • replies: 9

Hi to all, new to BB and any type of forum... so much noise inside but no words to put to it that make sense...hard to get outside help if you can't put it into words.

Hi to all, new to BB and any type of forum... so much noise inside but no words to put to it that make sense...hard to get outside help if you can't put it into words.

GBAY ABC Australian Story - Nikki Gemmal 20/03/2017
  • replies: 2

I've just watched the Australian Story documentary about the Australian writer Nikki Gemmal's struggle to understand her mother's suicide after her mother had suffered for years with chronic pain. By her own admission, Nikki did not understand her mo... View more

I've just watched the Australian Story documentary about the Australian writer Nikki Gemmal's struggle to understand her mother's suicide after her mother had suffered for years with chronic pain. By her own admission, Nikki did not understand her mother's agony, her pain, or her need to alleviate her pain by suiciding without troubling her family. Nikki's story raised many issues that confront all families when it comes to planning for pain or death. But one of the saddest issues raised was the lack of communication between family members. I've lost a grandmother and a father to heart disease; a mother, a brother-in-law and a niece to bowel cancer and a beautiful husband to emphysema. I said "Good-bye" to my Grandmother the day before she died. I had visited my brother-in-law and my niece in palliative care the morning before they died. I was on a plane home when my father died and I will always regret not having made that trip earlier. I was with my husband when he died. The nurse sitting with us said: "Talk to him. His hearing will be the last sense to go". I spent the last minutes of his life telling him how much I loved him, how much he had enriched our lives, how much I had loved the years we had spent together. He died quietly and calmly and I feel eternally grateful that I shared that last moment with him. I was at my mother's hospital bedside when she died. Her last words were: "Have I been a good mother?" I told her she had been the best mother any daughter could have asked for. I live eternally with the grief and loss of my family members. But I have had the privilege of sharing the deaths of my husband and my mother. I believe both died knowing how much they were loved. Nikki Gemmal didn't have that privilege. I would urge anyone confronting the death of a loved one that you reach out and communicate to them your love and your care. You may not change the inevitable outcome, but you will provide those dying with the emotional comfort they crave. And you will be able to let them die knowing that they know how much they were loved. Grief is profound. It never leaves you. But if you can share both the living and the dying of your loved ones, then I believe you acquire a greater understanding of the existential meaning of your own life. Tell the people you love how much you love them before they have to face their death.

Somebodyhelp Very confused
  • replies: 5

This is a cry for help.. I'm in a very dark place today. My 3yr old and 2yr old are at preschool today. My 1yr old is in hospital with my husband (this is her 4th week in there). I am at home alone. I am NC with my Narc mother and I do not have a fat... View more

This is a cry for help.. I'm in a very dark place today. My 3yr old and 2yr old are at preschool today. My 1yr old is in hospital with my husband (this is her 4th week in there). I am at home alone. I am NC with my Narc mother and I do not have a father around. My best friend is overseas and my sister at school. Last Thursday at my psychologist appointment she told me my husband was abusive which was a bit of a shock to hear.. I have been thinking about it a lot and I thought maybe I have painted him wrong to her. The other day my 2yr old was playing on my phone and my husband sent a message and my son was able to respond to the message.. with the help of autocorrect etc my son wrote 3 messages "mmm bench x" "she" and one of the generic messages you can send "ill call you later". My husband called and my son brought the phone to me. He told me not too come up and see our daughter as he was too tired. An hour later he asked me if I was cheating on him?! He put 2+2 together and came up with 7! He didn't believe those messages where from my son playing on my phone .. I am breaking my back here trying to keep this end running and this is what he thinks? He phone last night and was asking me what's going on.. I said it's not the time to fight - we need our energy and focus on our daughter. He insisted so it was the first time EVER I have stood up for myself. I was very calm and kept my emotions at bay the whole conversation. I said I am miserable, you control every aspect of my life - the one time I decided to get a night job he counted my money to make sure I was working the hours I told him I was. He then made me "pick" him or my job. I obviously quit. When I brought all his up last night he told me I should have been more supportive towards his insecurities. He told me he wants to seperate for good as I am so unsupportive. He ended up calling me a bitch and I hung up. So here I am, challenged my husband for the first and that was my response.. I am so confused!

RebekahJayne PTSD after operation
  • replies: 4

Hi, new to the group:) I was diagnosed with PTSD last year in August, I thought I could get better on my own then getting a referral , so I took up colouring in, it soon ended. in 2015 I had an operation to remove gallstones, operation had an error. ... View more

Hi, new to the group:) I was diagnosed with PTSD last year in August, I thought I could get better on my own then getting a referral , so I took up colouring in, it soon ended. in 2015 I had an operation to remove gallstones, operation had an error. I was sent home ill. Went to the A/E several times they ran tests and I had an abscess on my left side of my tummy and was in ICU for 9 days. The doctors say it was caused by a 'leak' I had a colostomy bag they leaked and burned my skin. I was angry at my parents, at my husband, angry at the world but I thought I had the right to feel this way. Feb 7 my daughter started Prep 1, I missed seeing that day, my son started walking I missed that, my son started talking I missed that. 4 months in hospital and after all said and done I still feel robbed. Had to learn to write again. Walk again. Remembered not a lot. The doctors had in my mind I was a bad mother and that I died. My husband later told me that I wasn't expected to live. Last feb my colostomy bag was removed! Feb 4 my daughter started grade 1 I missed it. My kids have swimming, I love the water I love chlorine I love the pool, I was so jealous of my husband that he was in the pool and I wasn't. So I'd cry then wait until we left the pool so I could leacture him that he had what I wanted. I grew up being a swimmer, and when the colostomy bag was removed I was straight to the pool. At the pool I'm relaxed, when my son has lessons I'm in that group. I'm able to swim laps I love it. I see a psychiatrist but haven't seen him for 3 weeks because I couldn't get an appointment until March. my friends that I had deserted me when I became very ill, although things picked up, none want to be my friend. i just want my life back. My husband says I'm a different person and some days he doesn't know me. One minute I'm crying the next I'm laughing. my daughter started grade 2 feb 9, I took her, it felt so great being there for her special day and to know she's in a supportive school who helped in 2015.

Somebodyhelp Please help..
  • replies: 1

Hello, I was wondering if anyone had advice or guidance they could share with me... I am the adult version of a child who suffered at the hands of my Narc mother. I realise at this point in my life there is seriously something wrong with me. I am see... View more

Hello, I was wondering if anyone had advice or guidance they could share with me... I am the adult version of a child who suffered at the hands of my Narc mother. I realise at this point in my life there is seriously something wrong with me. I am seeing a psychologist as I want help and I am hoping they can help me, help myself so I can become "normal" again. Anyway, I have just been thinking.. and I think I have found where one of my biggest problems are. I seem to be completely unattached from my thoughts and feelings. I can't seem to work out what my ACTUAL thoughts are on something. I talk (a lot) and I catch myself thinking about thinking...It is very hard to explain... its like I don't actually know how I think or feel about anything ! I can say a million different things and I pick one because I think that's what I'm feeling, and then it changes. It confuses me and I'm 100% sure it confuses whoever is listening to me. I don't know how to describe this but.. I don't really know who or what I am, I don't know what I think and feel. I don't know anything! It would appear on the outside like I am always changing my opinion or how I feel .. but I'm not really sure of it in the first place! I talk in a lots of FACTS because those I am sure of. I am sure I come across rude and blunt but Ijust state facts and hope the other person can understand what I mean. I'm not sure about anything.. I don't seem to be able to think like normal people or be so sure of what I'm saying is what I actually think. is this some type of personality disorder?

RobbieP PTSD help thread
  • replies: 2

Goof Aftnernoon everyone, My name is Robbie, I suffer from PTSD, anxiety and depression. I'm 20 years old and currently serving in the ADF. Im here today because what I have realised during my 15 years of suffering, PTSD sufferers don't have answers ... View more

Goof Aftnernoon everyone, My name is Robbie, I suffer from PTSD, anxiety and depression. I'm 20 years old and currently serving in the ADF. Im here today because what I have realised during my 15 years of suffering, PTSD sufferers don't have answers why things are happening, this is all about the brain and we all have a story and ventilate I would like to share mine with you guys. In this thread please provide self help ways and reasoning why it worked for you, so people can pick and choose what works for them. Cheers guys can't wait to meet you all.

Falling_Angel Over it all PTSD and medical problems
  • replies: 8

Hi . my name is falling angel I'm new and just trying to find my way around this website ive been constantly depressed and anxious for over 3 years due to a adult abuse I was abused as a child and after being abused as a adult I just can't seem to wo... View more

Hi . my name is falling angel I'm new and just trying to find my way around this website ive been constantly depressed and anxious for over 3 years due to a adult abuse I was abused as a child and after being abused as a adult I just can't seem to work out what is wrong with me and how to help myself its like I've given up on humanity except a minor few ppl who keep me going (only just)I'm just so confused on who I'm living for and what my purpose is in life I'm on a disability and am 45yo female just reaching out thanks to anyone who reads my thread and any input look forward to hearing from you