My blood family is my least support

[Odie1981]

Hey guys.

I have been feeling the anxiety really hit me hard lately and I was directed here. Here is my story.

Since October I have had so much lOSS it is now finally hitting home. First my father in law pasked away from natural causes and not long after my mother's partner I have known for twenty years. I separated with my partner of 10 years. Although we still get along well it was a big change. On new years day my 6 year old son accidentally lit a fire in my car (no one was harmed) so I was down to public transport for 5 months. Then the worst of all happened when my 9 1/2 months old son passed away after drowning in a bath tub at my ex partners boyfriends house on the 03/03/2017. The time was 4.50 pm. Ten minutes before he was meant to be coming to my house for the weekend again. As you could understand I was distraught.

I had very good help from my co-workers and friends. Even my ex partners family were very supportive towards me. What really killed me even more was when the funeral was meant to happen I was told that my sister may not make it because of a holliday she was booked to go on and my own father might not because he had to work. The date was changed and they did make it but neither wanted to see his body. Which meant in his short life my father never saw his grandson even once. Now I need help most of all but the only time I hear from my family is because of something I have done wrong yet again. Even though I do not touch drugs. Always at work without fail. And I love my other kids dearly. Sorry about the blabbering btw. Just wanted to get ithe off my chest. In no way do I want to harm myself or anyone else but I do know I need help

[solabear]

Hi Odie, you have every reason to feel anxious and down, I am so sorry about your precious baby, what a tragedy. I personally wouldn't know how to cope. You must be devastated.

The good news is ...it will get bette with time. but in the mean time you need support. are you taking medication? Have you talked to doctors about your struggles? You need to get every help you can put your hands on.

I hope to hear from you again

sola

[Guest_9809]

Welcome Odie1981. I'm sorry it was not happier circumstances which brought you here however. But I guess thats the nature of these forums, and is the reason most of us find our way here.

When I read your post several days ago, it brought a flood of tears and I felt unable to reply. Profound sadness with the loss of your baby son through dreadfully tragic and unexpected circumstances. My heart genuinely breaks for you, and I wish I could give you a comforting hug and tell you that everything will be okay. But of course that wont undo the unimaginable pain and grief that you must be enduring over such a tragic course of events.

It has only been 4 months since your baby son's passing, and you would still be in the grieving process. Its likely that you have not properly had a chance to process your grief over the loss of your father in law or your mothers partner either. There is no time limit when it comes to grief Odie. And I would expect that disbelief around the circumstances of your son's death will have prolonged the grieving process. Its possible that there is an inquest into his death as well, and the uncertainty around this could also be making acceptance more difficult for you.

In the absence of any real support from your own family, I am so pleased to hear that your workmates, friends and ex-partners family have provided support as best they can.

The lack of support from immediate family would be very disappointing, and I'm sorry to hear that's the case. It is possible that they too are grieving and thus dont feel able to provide the support they feel you need. Sometimes family (who are also grieving) are not the best form of support under such circumstances anyway.

You sound like a loving Dad, a dedicated employee and a responsible person in general. Nobody ever deserves to have to go through what you are right now.

I would urge you to seek some grief counselling if you havent already. Also make an appointment to see your GP and explain what you've been going through since October last year. They may suggest medication to help you get through this immediate crisis you are going through. And they will likely refer you to a psychologist to provide some specific therapy to help you, and will advise you of some self-help methods to further assist.

It sounds like you feel somewhat alone in dealing with all this right now, so please feel able to come back here and get things off your chest any time.

Kindest thoughts.

Taurus xx

[Croix]

Dear Odie~

I've read your story, and like Sola and Tarus was really heart-broken for you. Yes as you say you may need help but that's ok, it's there. You have the advice you need about getting counseling and visiting the doctor both for grief and anxiety, so I'll not go on about it. You also have people here to talk with.

Grief and loss takes its time to come out, and varies in intensity from hour to hour and day to day. I've lost family too including my wife and remember the first months.

I looked for causes, things and people to blame (including myself) for things going wrong, strategies to keep myself occupied, and I tried to understand it all, make some sense of it. Nothing was much help.

I had the compulsion to go over and over things with whoever would listen, fortunately I did have people that cared enough to do so. As time went on this urge lessened. I'm a different person now of course, I don't think we ever get over loss like that, just as time goes on one finds a lot of room for other things as well.

I'm remarried and good nowadays. As Sola says, it does get better.

I seem to be taking about me, but that is just to let you know it is ok to talk too. It's something I think for most people is built in, so it's not blabbering, it's to be expected.

You have had a hard life of recent years, yet you have love for your children and are a reliable person who works. Dealing with family can be the pits, perhaps as much distance as possible might be the way to go - at least for now. Having supportive friends is gold.

I will mention one beyondblue document dealing with grief, mainly because of the list of resources at the end, I would imagine you know the rest anyway, but have a look.

http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/0390

You know you are welcome to post whenever you like - I'd look forward to that - and if you need the sound of a voice ring our 24/7 Help Line listed above anytime.

Croix