Work/Study Issues?

[Crallop]

Sort of a rant?

I have no idea what to do. I was thinking about copywriting but its pretty much becoming obsolete with AI. I bought a course for it, just for multiple different people to say "not to worry you, but I think that career is pretty much useless at the moment". I tried an IT course just to fall down the same paralytic anxiety/depression that I just couldn't go into classes anymore, couldn't do my assignments, even though to me the course itself was easy. Same thing with when I tried a business course in marketing, then later a language course. All things I'm interested in but I just get stuck and I can't even explain it properly to anyone or even myself WHY I just can't do it. Its like everything in me shuts down when I try. 

Now I'm working in hospitality but I'm in physical pain after every shift, so much that its even difficult to ride home. I just want to work. I just want to do something that keeps me a functioning member of society. Thinking about doing nothing scares me, but trying to find something I can do is making me feel nauseous. I'm applying for admin positions in the hopes I won't be in pain but everyone needs experience or degrees. I feel so completely useless. I'm trying so damn hard but I'm just getting nowhere.

Not to mention the relentless draining heat of Summer is back which is destroying the progress I've made over winter.

I feel physically and mentally incapable of doing anything. What can I try? What do people like us do?

[Croix]

Dear Crallop~

Welcome back, I hope in the time since you were last here things have improved. I'm sure it is not a question of you are incapable of study -or work. From the way you write and your variety of interests it looks like you have several choices.

The problem seems to be after you decide what to do the energy and motivation falls away. Of course when that happens you blame yourself - and I think that is very unfair.

Reading your posts from before you mentioned both self-harm and suicidal thoughts and I"m worried your current situation wihtout successes to bolster you up may send you back in the same direction.

I felt everything was due to failings in me, and it got the the stage where there was no hope. If it was in me I was stuck with it, and being told that something could be done did not seem believable.

Looking back now from years down the track I cna see I was totally wrong on both counts. My failure to do things or finish them was not me or my character, it was the  result of my depression and anxiety, which skewed all my thoughts towards the black and prevented me doing everything

I'm the same person now, but live a life that is worth living wiht employment, satisfaction and am loved and give love. The future looks good

I am sure that,like me, once depression and anxiety is controlled you will be able ot do hte study of your choice -and do it well!

Sophie_M has given you a couple of suggestions, talk wiht our 24/7 councilors and perhaps look at the saftey plan Beyond Now (which I use myself)

It is very a difficult time for you, are you trying to face all this by yourself or do you have anyone who cares and you can talk wiht and who will support you?

You are more than welcome here anytime

Croix