Dear Giaisinsane~
I'd like to welcome you along with Sophie_M to the Forum. Your life sounds tough at the moment. This is no way to be, you deserve a much better life than that. Not having a loving person to talk to makes things worse as anyone will feel alone and isolated as well.
This is particularly so if those closest to you are not there for you. Your mum has to be drawn two ways, with you sister probably seeming to her to be the more urgent problem.
Sometimes it helps if you have another understanding person to talk with, do you have anyone in the family or at school such as a councilor of favorite teacher you can talk to? Even if studying from home you could probably arrange something.
Sophie's excellent suggestion of the Kids Help Line will give you helpful, friendly and realistic people to talk/chat with too.
They are pretty good to talk to if you are feeling sad, unmotivated and uncared-for
Any parent who is worried their child might kill them-self is going to be deeply affected. It may well have occurred to her that your sister might be attention seeking, but she has know way of knowing and cannot afford to take any chances.
Has she taken your sister to the doctor after she talked of killing herself? It would seem the right first step to take.
Sorry to take up so much time about your sister, it is simply that sometimes people do have such feelings and it is always wise to take them seriously- no matter what.
Would you mind saying if you have a doctor looking after you for depression? I found that I simply got further away from everything until I had proper medical support.
You mentioned you had to forced yourself to do things and what you had dreamed of and been passionate about no longer had any appeal. Would you like to say what sort of things they were?
To try to feel better I found that if I had one thing a day to look forward to, something I enjoyed and took my mind away from the more unpleasant parts of life it really helped. I used books to get my mind into other worlds of an evening. Is there anything like that for you? Pets, music, books, exercise, a favorite tv/streaming series? Even if it is something very minor or small, it all helps.
Friends can be responsive to mood, and if you are consistently sad and lack energy for things they can seem to drift away. I'd expect as things get better for you they will be as close as before
Please let us know how you are getting on
Croix
