When you prefer being alone

[Tammie84]

Hello! I suffer from depression and anxiety and feel so lonely. Up until recently I've realised that for a long long time I have preferred being by myself. I would rather be at home watching movies or meeting with a friend. I have no motivation to get out there. I had really bad anger outbursts with my family and I wouldn't talk to one of them if I felt that they hurt me. I would become angry when things trigger other things and would feel like no one cares or understands me. I would then feel guilty for putting my problems on them. I am a private person. I don't like people knowing things about me. I can remember being depressed from when I was maybe 10. It wasn't until I was about 19 that I remembered that I was molested as a child. I realised why I was always scared of intimacy, I told a boy that he can sleep with me but he can't touch me. I wonder if I will be alone forever. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Lyn

I can relate to depression coming and going. I find it frustrating when I feel good and then suddenly it's all gone again. It would be nice to think that our good times are going to last and we have seen the last of the black dog. Well, if we can at least bring it to heel and make it walk gently beside us we can feel safe and comfortable. That's been my aim for a little while. Not to continually fight but look at how I am training the dog. Maybe, instead of visiting a psychologist we could go to a dog obedience school and learn a few tricks for teaching our own dog?

Now there's a thought. I suspect the methods would not be much different. It is after all a variation on behaviour modification techniques.

Making the decision to join a group of some sort is quite hard. I understand why you keep finding reasons not to go. Instead of trying to make this huge leap why not try smaller things. I am impressed with Can't move forward post above. Perhaps you could try a variation of this. Walk somewhere that has an interest for you. For example, you may enjoy watching the sea (if you live near the coast) or a particular area that is quiet and restful. Sitting outside a cafe and watching the world go by is lovely occupation.

I would suggest going to the local park and seeing the children play on the equipment, and this is nice. Children are so intent on their games and so open, it's a delight to see them. Unfortunately, this can be dodgy in this distrustful climate. But it's a thought.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Dear Tammie

You have had a couple more replies from people who know how you feel. CMF has found a terrific way to have small interactions with other people. As I have written to Lyn, perhaps this is a good way to start having contact with others. Can you try this?

Try to keep focused on positive events rather than what may happen. I appreciate how uncomfortable you may feel at the prospect of being touched. Instead think of the ordinary events of your life and possibly plan to go out for a walk or similar.

Yes, my depression comes and goes at when it decides. I find what I eat makes a different to my mood. How does that feel to you? Eating bread, which love when it's fresh, can make me feel uncomfortable and leads on to being grumpy. Sugar is also a problem. We get the sugar provides then when it goes get a craving for more. I have tried to eliminate all sugar from my diet and I am feeling much better. Not only that, but I have a few kilos. Even better. Now I don't snack between meals, which I find people do when they are sad. It truly is a comfort food, but not when the effect goes and we feel worse.

Take care

Mary

[CMF]

Hi Tammie, Mary

Mary-thank you so much for your beautiful words. My depression is better, up and down depending on circumstances but mostly good..

Tammie, Mary is spot on about diet and what we eat did you know beans (especially broad beans) cantaloupe, oranges contain a natural sugar that helps with anxiety/depression? Include more of less if you can. Definitely cut out or reduce sugar and caffeine I've done and have no desire to go back to it. if you need a sweetener use stevia, natural and harmless.

As far as relationships, take your time. I cannot begin to imagine what it was like for you to discover this. There is no pressure on you. Perhaps if you take small steps in getting out and slowly start to be comfortable being around people, you will feel you can trust a little more. In time, when the right one comes along, they will be understanding and caring, just as you deserve.

hope you are feeling better and have a great day/weekend hope to hear back from you.

cmf

[CMF]

I forgot to mention. Have your vitamin D and iron levels checked. They do play an important part in your wellbeing. If you're not out and about much your vitamin D may be low.

All tbe best

cmf

[topsy_]

Hello again Tammie, Mary & CMF

Its been great reading your replies. I am so impressed with what you have achieved CMF & how you've done it. Well done & hearty congratulations.

I don't do anything physical at all. I've read & listened to all the advice about how good walking is good for our mood but I still haven't done it. In lots of ways I feel stupid because what stops me, besides laziness, happened when I was a child & I turn 60 this year for goodness sake!!!! I not only stay inside most of the time but when the black dog is in attendance I spend nearly all my time in my (safe) lounge chair.

Sorry, I'm going to stop right now. I will be back, I just need a break.

Take care, Lyn.

[CMF]

Thanks Lyn,

the first step is always the hardest. It's a slow process, but well worth it

cmf