Unsure what's wrong with me..keep having negative thoughts

[Hillyee]

Hi,

I don't know whether I need some treatments or simply mood disorder..

I do not have any friends or family here, just my family. Therefore I resigned and decided to stay home to look after my baby. Before I was working I still could manage my emotion. But not anymore, I am having very negative thoughts, worries, anxiety these 6 months. I cant talk to any one as it seems there is no one willing to listen , even my husband. So I started to talk to myself, there is a voice inside me keep talking and bringing up all my problems. Most of the time I feel so empty, like I am sitting with my baby, but not feeling like I am actually here.

And because of these problems, it makes me lost power to appreciate, to see the good side of others, even my husband, I keep blaming him and very easy to lose my temper.. Though I am going through this, I still can smile and feel happy sometimes.

So my questions are :

Does people have depression still feel happy?

What is wrong with me? Do I need to see specialist?

(Sorry for my grammar ....I tried my best..)

If you have gone through similar situation, can you please share with me ..

Thanks,

A new mum who wants to enjoy life...

[quirkywords]

Hillyee,

Welcome to the forum and well done for reaching out . This is a safe and supportive place.

It can be very confusing with all these changes . You may feel you should be happy and enjoying life but as you write, you feel like you are not there.

Did you feel like this before you had your baby or have these feeling only started feeling like this after you had your baby.?

I think if you could talk to your doctor about how you are feeling or if not copy out your post and show him/her. You have written very well and expressed yourself. I think many new mums would be able to identify with your feelings.

Quirky

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Hillyee,

Thank you for posting. There are no grammar police here so no need to apologise. I think you have explained your situation very well.

I have 5 children and with each and every one I spent the first few months having terrible thoughts. With 2 of my babies, this lasted for about a year. I loved them and I know I was a good mum but the voices tormented me day in and day out. I joined a 'new mothers' group (on the advice of the infant nurse) and found that a few of the new mothers were having similar problems.

I'm not even sure what they call infant nurses these days, but the baby clinic thing where we took babies for quick check-ups and immunisations. Do you have one of those? You can always talk to them about any problems you are having.

The biggest thing is do not be scared! Many new mum's have varied feelings and worries. Your Doctor (as Quirky mentioned) would be a great place to start. If you feel worried about talking to a Doctor, write out how you are feeling and give it to him/her.

SM

[geoff]

hello Hillyee, it can be quite scary posting your first comment especially as how you are feeling.

I am not qualified to say to this but please just walk with me.

For you to mention negative thoughts could mean that you have OCD but that's not a fair statement because I need to know more about your daily chores and whether any are being repeated, but by having negative thoughts means that you are thinking awful things about someone or somebody, and I only say this because I have OCD.

The other concern is that PND maybe what's troubling you, again as I say I'm not a qualified doctor, but I have also had PND when my wife (ex) had it.

People can feel happy when they are depressed, but it's only temporary and then you fall back into depression when the situation disappears.

The answer to your other question is yes you should see your doctor who may then refer you onto a psychologist, but ask about the 'mental health plan', which entitles you to 10 free visits to see your psychologist, so please do this when you can. Geoff.

[Hillyee]

Hi Quirky

thank you for your response and kind words. I can finally feel there is someone here for me.

i consider myself a miserable and pessimistic person. I always see myself in the worst situation and no luck. But don’t know why it starts to bother me... and very disturbing after I decided to stay home and look after my baby..

[Hillyee]

Hi SM

Thank you for your response too and shared your experience with me.

i was referred to Mums matter actually but I didn’t go as my husband thinks that I am fine and I don’t have time ..also i don’t want anyone including my husband know about this makes more difficult to attend the treatment.

I have been taking care of my baby from the beginning .. Stress and sadness have been accumulating for a long time.. and no sure what is trigger and came to the point that I can’t manage anymore ..

[Hillyee]

Hi Geoff

thank you for getting back to me and clarifying my question.

Since you talked about OCD. I just had a think and I realized I have to keep the the floor really clean. I vacuum mop and wash the carpet everyday. I don’t want a single piece of rubbish or stain on the floor. And I made a very intensive schedule for myself for cleaning. And to be honest, I did think about something bad of a person.. I even blocked her.. I don’t know why, I feel I am doing something really bad.

most of the time I feel quite empty. Like when I playing with my daughter but I cant be very concentrated, very dumb 。

[Hillyee]

And I went to Gp this afternoon but I couldn’t speak out my problem..

[geoff]

hi Hillyee, thanks for getting back to us so what you can do is write down everything or what you want on a piece of paper which you can then hand over to the doctor, this breaks the ice and makes you feel, well a little awkward, but it does the job.

Your doctor will then ask you a couple of questions and you can nod back to them if that makes it easier for you or write down the answer.

Now with OCD please never feel awful that you have to keep the floor clean or that you have made a schedule for cleaning, boy, if I told you everything I have had to do, even the smallest thing for over 58 years I don't know how many books it would entail, so please it's an illness we have acquired, so you are no worse than anybody else. Geoff.

[Hillyee]

Thank you Geoff.

We had a burglary this morning..while me and my baby still in bed...It was so frightening..It proves I am really a bad luck person..I am waiting for the call from victim helpline hopefully they can help part of my problem....

Thanks Geoff for your sharing. You are such a good person.