Trapped in my safety place

[Lenny1]

I have no clue how this happened but I haven't left the house since 10/6. I'm so down and fatigued constantly. I start sweating, shaking and have shallow breathing just thinking about go out. My psychologist says just push through it. You won't die. But how do I explain that just having a shower is a battle of the mind.

[james1]

Hi Lenny,

That's been a long time since you left. You must feel so trapped wanting to get out but being unable to do so.

Do you mind if I ask what you are currently seeing your psychologist about?

I find one of the things about mental illness is that we often get stuck in repetitive patterns because habit builds them to a point where we just get a mental block that feels too thick to break through. And so we continue with the same pattern.

But the reality is that we've just forgotten what's on the other side of the wall, so why leave?

Do you have a front lawn? Or a window? Perhaps you can sit there for a while and just get used to being out of bed or off the sofa.

If even having a shower is a battle of the mind, yet a battle you are able to win sometimes, I imagine there's a bit of strength still inside that is untapped.

In fact, I know it's there because you broke through the internet wall to speak to us here.

Let us know how you go. You've done really well already by coming here, so if it will take a while to do these things, we understand.

James

[Era]

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, it can play havoc on the body. Not being an expert, I can only assume that you are having a panic attack. The best advice I got was to not focus on trying to make the feeling go away, but rather accept that this is how you are going to feel for the moment, recognise the feeling. I also try counting breaths, one in, two out, one in etc. to try and calm the metal screaming. Best of luck to you.

[Lenny1]

Thanks James. I have a very large balcony which I do spend most days sitting and reading. My husband works from home he is so incredibly supportive. I've always had this outlook of being a big old tough woman who can overcome any obstacle but this one has left me on my knees. I'm seeing my psychologist for anxiety and depression and she know how I've been going. She's gotten to the point t where she won't do phone consultants anymore. I had an appointment today. I was psyching myself up all week. But this ,orang the swearing started the feeling of dread and despair and I just cancelled. I've had a traumatic past that I don't want to write up about as I'm so ashamed of my behaviour in the past. I am an alcoholic in recovery and it's been just over 2 years. But I find it amazing that with all this going on I have not thought to pick up a drink as I know exactly the outcome. How do I force myself to get outside and enjoy life. My mind is so powerful it frightens me. Any tips or words of wisdom is much,y appreciated.