Depression – rearing its ugly head
I think I have had depression since my mid twenties but seemed to manage having youth on my side, a good job, travelling overseas and a lovely family and friends.
In my late twenties I had a long period where I suffered, anxiety and not being able to cope with every day life, driving recklessly in the car and not really caring one way or another.
I was on anti-depressants and whilst this helped me get better, I did have some under-lying issues and a quick temper. I ended up quitting and after a holiday to Hawaii I went home and went about setting up my own business. It was very costly and trying but on the first day of trading I ended up with a good business and loved the independence and freedom it gave me. My former boss felt very threatened so he complained to the council and I had to apply for a permit, in the end it was granted minus not being to have clients around. I still had them around but was
The worst period of my depression was in Dec 2016 when I did a contract 2 week role in Cairns looking after a permanent letting building, it was an absolute disaster and I ended up walking out after week one as it was untenable. I avoided everyone. Did not want to go out, down the street nothing. I tried to work again at 2 more resorts and they fell through as I was still not myself. I was so anxious everything was an effort. My mum suffered dearly because of my depression. I couldn’t cook, clean or even read a magazine. I kept on watching movies over and over, staying still in bed, not washing or cleaning my teeth for 2-3 days. It was horrendous nothing like this had ever happened so severely like this before.
It went on until the end of April, finally I was up to working again and within 2 days had a job 2 days a week and then 3 days a week. I never thought I would get out of this black hole. Eventually I did and realised I will be ok. I started being kind to myself, buying some new clothes, booking a holiday, getting in touch with friends again.
I know how you feel, never never give up. There is always hope.
