The New Year

[Soph_T]

Hi,

So if this doesn't prove how unlucky things are going for me right now, just know that I typed this all out and then as I was going to send I accidentally deleted it all. Very cool.

Nothing has gone right in my life in a very long time. Regardless, I still had 50% faith in the idea that things would work out right for me. Despite being depressed for quite a while, a chain of just really unlucky things have happened to me recently. New Year's is coming up and I just don't know how to wake up and do it all over again. I have nothing going for me at the moment and I have no faith in the fact that I'll be okay. I think its been proven to me that there's no one coming to help me and I don't feel that I can keep pulling myself back up again. It's like sometimes when you don't want to go to sleep because you know you'll have to do it all again the next day, but it's a new year of the same nothingness. I feel very lost right now. I know, undoubtedly, that when I wake up on January 1st there will be nothing waiting for me. There will be no shiny car or perfect job...I will just be doing the same as I did on December 31st and December 30th...all over again. It doesn't so much represent another year of failed dreams to me as it does a limitless cycle that I can never seem to get out of. How could I ever be okay with doing this all again?

Thanks for reading 🙂

If you are into poetry then I really recommend this (this poem has helped me be a little more okay with being unsatisfied):

https://allpoetry.com/A-Tear-And-A-Smile

[Jstar49]

Hi Soph,

Thanks for being so brave and open. It's hard to say this stuff hey! And you had to say it twice!

What dreams do you have dear child? Are you young, or older? What about your life looks like failure to you?

And, What would success look like. You mention the car, and the new job-is that whats important? Or is there other stuff?

Love to know more,

Cheers, and big hugs,

J*

[Truc]

Hi Soph,

I have similar problems that I have to keep doing the same work every day and it does make me feel bored a lot, somehow routine is not always good as it does seem, if you feel bored of something such as skill or job, usually we master them then we are humans tending to feel bored because the skill or job we mastered already has nothing we can explore. I would just recommend you to break that, when you kind of bored of something, stop and do something else or still do that skill or just but with a higher level as we usually say step out of your comfort zone. I dont know i heard it wherr but it is somehow true that we are just alive when we are actually stepping our our own comfort zone. And people are like us, if we dont take initiative to talk with them we may never talk to anyone, majority of people are not willing to open especially in cities, therefore small talks and be patient to listen to them is a very good way I found to talk and make friends with anyone.i hope it is useful

[sunnyl20]

Hey Soph,

I am sorry you are feeling so lost, it sounds like things have been really difficult. I don't know if it is any consolation, but please know that you are most definitely not alone in struggling with the New Year period. There is a lot of emphasis and expectations both culturally and socially placed on New Years, about reflecting and planning and goal-setting etc... but as you say, it is just another day, it isn't really all that different to any other day, other than the symbolism and meaning that people (& wider society) attach to it. You are also not alone in feeling lost - it is not unusual to feel stuck in the monotony of life, feeling like you are just going around in a circle. I get that it feels so difficult, especially when you are feeling depressed, and change can be frightening and uncertain, but know you do have some control over what happens - you can make changes to break that cycle that feels so endless. Is there someone you are close to that you feel able to talk to about this, that may know you well and be able to offer some guidance? Even just sharing what you are going through with them may help to 'lighten the load' just a little, just having someone listen. What do you wish to change? Some things maybe to think about... What do you value? What and/or who makes you smile and brings you joy? What gives your life meaning? What do you feel is missing from your everyday? If you don't want to be where you are this time next year, where would you like to be? It is okay if you don't know the answer to any or all of these questions, it is just more things to think about to maybe help you bring focus to what you feel might help to change, what might help you to feel less lost in life.

Thank you again for sharing what you are going through - it takes a lot of courage. Please don't hesitate to write back when you feel up to it.

P.S. that poem is beautiful - I am glad that it brings you some consolation in how you feel. Do you ever write poems or stories of your own? Writing can be a really powerful tool of expression and may help you organise your thoughts and worries.

Take care.

[Jstar49]

Hi again Soph,

I just read that poem you recommended- loved it! I love Khalil Gibrans poetry, I have a book of his poetry which helped to express my own spirituality.

Thanks for sharing as I have never read this one.

J*