Hello Kookie,
Welcome to the forum. It’s great that you reached out here ☺️
Good question. I can’t say for sure, but I do agree with Theborderline that these events are likely a trigger for this person. My ex partner struggled with this type of behaviour and it also took me a long time to see the pattern. For her, spending time with my family was a real trigger for her own grief that her own family relationships were strained and distant. It was difficult for her to see a family functioning well and it triggered feelings like grief and jealousy, mixed with the shame of feeling this way towards people that were kind and welcoming to her. The intensity of these feelings were overwhelming and outside of her ‘window of tolerance’ for what she could manage reasonably.
It could also be that the trigger is a particular person at the events, or the location. Like my partner, there is a good chance that their reactions are not conscious - that they haven’t decided that they want to stir up trouble. That it is more of an instinct coming from the overwhelming anxiety or anger of being in the situation.
I wonder if you’d be comfortable talking to the person about what is happening for them? In the same way that it took you time to see that it wasn’t just coincidence, there’s a chance they might not even realise it’s a pattern too. I don’t think my partner did.
It sounds like you’re a good person for coming here to look for answers. Please don’t take it personally until you know that there’s a reason to. And don’t forget to look after yourself in this situation too.
Take care,
Alexlisa
