Really Struggling

[Ajay28]

Hey
I'm a 42 yr old single mother of 4. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for around 20 years. This is my first time here.
I am really struggling atm, lve had a lot going on for a number of years, especially recently. This is the worst l have ever been and l just can't seem to get myself out of it. I have some good days but mostly bad where l don't want to get out of bed let alone leave the house. I feel like lm a terrible mother coz l don't want to cook or clean or doing anything really. I'm so exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't sleep very well due to just thinking about everything from past & present. There r so many things that lve done, experienced and been through that l haven't dealt with. I find it hard to talk to my friends or family as l don't want to burden them with my problems as they have their own.
I was recently terminated from my job that l loved which l feel was unfair as l had been off work due to my mental health being so bad caused from my manager of 4 years that is very narcissist and manipulative. None of the issues were addressed when l was terminated, only a conversation l had with another staff member who l thought l could trust that caused my termination. Since then l have developed social anxiety, have had my first panic attack and suicidal thought which was terrifying for me. I didn't attempt, and only wanted to stop the pain, not end my life. Today is one of my really bad days where l lock myself in my room n stay in bed crying.
I have been on medication for a few years which was doubled when l lost my job. Waiting to see a councillor. My Dr won't give me something to help me sleep which really mad me angry as it's literally driving me crazy at night it being able to sleep.
I just feel so lost, worthless, useless and alone atm. In the past l have been able to pull myself out of it but not this time. I know exactly what l need to do as l have supported many people going through similar (my kids, friends and clients at work)
My 22 yr old daughter is expecting her first child/my first grandchild in about 4 weeks which is giving me something to really look forward to. She also suffers with her mental health and in the past has self harmed and attempted suicide. So has my 23 yr old son.
I think l must have been a really terrible person in a past life with everything that lve been through and still going through......It's just not fair 😥😥😥

[Here_I_am]

Hi Ajay28,

Firstly, I am so sorry it's taken so long for a response to your post to come your way. That wouldn't help at all with feelings of worth or value, and it's certainly not the normal ebb and flow of the forum.

Reading your post was really touching. I found myself wishing I had 'the answer' for you, but as you've already identified in your post, you know that their is no such thing.

You mention you're waiting to see your counselor; how long do you have to wait until you get the opportunity to speak with a therapist? In the interim, their are some short term engagement options such as Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) and many local agencies in most capital and regional areas that might be an option for you. Whilst they are not your regular therapist, they may be able to provide some respite from what sounds like a tough place to be in.

I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but how long has it been since you worked up a sweat? 🙂 The BEST management tool for anxiety and depression is movement and exercise. Is this something you think you could commit to?

I hope you have had a better couple of days since your post, and again sincere apologies that it took so long for someone to respond to you.

[VWGolf]

Hi Ajay28,

I a new to this forum, and like "Here I am", I am touched by your note and definitely hear your pain and frustration. Ajay28, well done though on reaching out on this forum. This was a terrific idea and action by you. I hope you find the Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) helpful. I will look forward to reading your next thread on how it goes.