Plummeting mood, please help....

[lisar]

Hi guys,

I'm new on here & don't know what I'm really doing. I guess I just want to share my story in the hope that maybe someone out in the world cares. I have been in & out of hospital for the last 5 yrs with depression, anxiety & an eating disorder. My husband left me  yrs ago ( he was an abusive alcoholic). My eldest daughter suffers with Asperger's, depression & social phobia - she refuses to have anything to do with her father so I have to care for her 24/7. My other 2 girls share their time between us both but are very unhappy when with their father. My 61 yr old mum is developing early onset dementia - I came home the other day to find her cooking banana bread in a saucepan on the stove cos it was easier than using the toaster!! My eldest daughter companion rabbit ( the only way to manage her meltdowns was to give her the rabbit) died a couple of weeks ago & she still isn't dealing with it. My extremely allergic 9 yr old had her tonsils out a few days later & she had an anaphylactic reaction to the anaesthetic!!. Then to top it all off a wind storm went through & lifted the roof off my house! My mood has been spiralling down the last few months but right now has completely plummeted. My eating disorder has resurfaced in the form of bulimia & is out of control so I'm feeling quite physically unwell to. I'm just so tired, I just don't want to do life any more. I'm wallowing in self pity but I can't be bothered pulling myself out of it - it's all to hard. I won't bail on life - I have my girls to keep me alive, they mean the world to me.

I know this is really disjointed to read but I have trouble thinking straight & I have so much I want to say but don't know how. Thank you for listening to me vent, i'm sorry for dumping all my crap out there. I'm doubting myself now if I should post this.....

[HA1]

Hi Lisar

Just a short reply to welcome to BB and to thank you for your post.  My goodness you have had your hands full - but we can talk about this next time.

Can I first just say that I am glad that you have decided to reach out to BB to share your story.  You have been very brave, it can be very difficult to vent your frustrations.  But it is very healthy to let it out.  You will find that the people on here will understand you, and will care and support you when you reach out. 

You have not mentioned whether you are currently receiving medical support or if you are on any medication.  I assume the answer is yes to both.

I would dearly like you to send us another chapter of your story - but of course only if and when you are ready.  In the meantime remember to post anytime - there will always be someone here to listen.

Take care

K

[geoff]

dear Lisar, welcome to the site.

Where can I start but what's happened to you and the rest has been absolutely terrible, but I don't think that you will be able to stop the bulimia until some of the rest is helped with, so I wonder if at all there is someone else who can help you, because it's way too much for one person, especially when being so physically unwell.

So it's great that you have started a post, so can you start to mention what else you want to say, because I'm sure that you were very nervous, don't worry, none of us will harm you it's a safe site, but you really want to talk to someone, so we will wait until we hear back from you, and please we want to talk to you. L Geoff. x

[gmc]

hello dear Lisar and welcome to the forum.

I've bookmarked your post so that I get to answer to you by now... I am so very sorry to read the things you've been through and I feel that I can understand you.

Dear Lisar, I usually read the others' posts before andwering back, but now I only want to say something to you: I know things can be horrible, but as you find you motivation in your children, it's how you have to find motivation in other aspecrts too. So, Lisar, as you wrote to us in this community, maybe you can find a support group too. Or a place where you can feel useful and helpful, as volunteering to a place where people in need are looking for others. Helping others helped me too to get over m,y depression, as an example. I've started posting for myself and answering just to my threadas, but other people here, like Geoff or Neil who have thousands of answers, inspired me and I started to read other people's posts and tried ton understand their feelings too. I don't have support groups in my area for depression, but I will initiate one, so people will find it useful too.

So, Lisar, take that into consideration, it may help you. try to help others, you will help yourself too.

Take care 🙂

[lisar]

Thank you everyone so much for being so warm & welcoming!!

I'm sorry I haven't been back in touch but things have been incredibly hectic.

I finally thought I found someone I could trust with my best interest, a kind of case manager who works for an organisation. She was going to come to my next psychiatrist appointment & psychologist appointment to push for change in approach for my treatment for my depression, ED & OCD. Well silly me for finally deciding that yes I can trust someone & finally I can start heading in the right direction. To help me find the tools I need to fight right now. She marked down the wrong day in her diary & so I miss out cos she has made other appointments. I know it is a legitimate mistake but it's pulled the rug right out from under me.

I have since cancelled my appointments for tomorrow. By the time I add my fuel, cost of psychiatrist & psychologist it will cost me $140. I don't have the energy to get my 3 kids off to school, drive for 2 hrs, have my appointments, come straight back home to the babysitter, pay her & take her home then run the girls around to their different commitments.

The logical part of me is saying I shouldn't have done that but honestly nothing would have been achieved except making myself even more exhausted than I already am. I feel even more alone than I did before - the mistake of letting myself trust someone. I have cold sores on my lips, rashes all down one arm & my skin looks like a hormonal teen!!!

Drat it, I just wish I had someone who could give me a hug & say we'll get through this

[geoff]

dear Lisar, here's your cyber hug and I mean this with all sincerity, and can I say that there is light at the end of this long tunnel.

Can I ask you how strong is your OCD, as this is one of my favourite topics, so I would be more than happy to discuss this with you.

Your days are so full and indeed so complicated, that stretch from one side of the country to the other side, and what this means is that it's fuel for depression.

I know how you feel about your case manager, and I'm wondering whether you would be in contact with her again, and perhaps he/she could write a report so that you can fax to your psych or give it to them. L Geoff. x