New baby and not liking it

[Harpmum]

Hi I am a first time mum and it's been hard, I knew it would be but I'm not handling it like I Thought I would. my baby is 5 weeks old but I feel like Iv been doing this for months already.....the past week Iv gone with finding it hard to not wanting to be a mum anymore, not wanting to deal with the same thing daily. My baby has had feeding problems and he screams whenever he is awake and he doesn't like sleep. Iv had thoughts of not wanting to do this, getting frustrated with baby and even watching him cry cos I don't know wat else to do. I'm crying and feel like I'm slowly drowning

[kanga_brumby]

Harpmum welcome to forums. My first question is do you get support form the farther?

Next talk to your GP, or maternal health nurse. Ask them about the Grey sisters, they can help with ruteens.

• I can remember my first child ( the mother couldn't look after it due to a disability) I had to do the lot alone. So I can relate to how you feel. Trust me it will get different as they get older. A hole lot different, in some ways easier in others harder. The work is hard, the rewards fantastic.

Kanga

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Harpmum,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

I'm sorry that you're having a tough time and want to help you find what you need.

Just from reading your post it sounds like a lot of what you're struggling with is based on your baby's tantrums, feeding and sleep. Problems with lack of sleep in babies can lead to lack of sleep in mums and tantrums in babies can make mums frustrated. It can be a tricky cycle!

I think that it might be best to try and focus on some of the practical issues first like feeding, tantrums and sleeping and then see how much that affects your mood and if you can find things a bit easier.

There are definitely hotlines to call like BeyondBlue but I think what would be more helpful is a parenting hotline. If you go to the website (below) you can click your state and find the number. They can give lots of advice and help you find the next step. You may even find that there's services around that you weren't yet aware of. SA have Child and Youth Health which covers babies and I'm sure they'd be other things depending on what state you live in - http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/hotlines.html

It's also important to try and surround yourself with people who care about you and who can help you; whether it's friends, family, neighbours or partners/boyfriends.

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Great advice in the posts above. It is awful when your baby is unsettled. There is help available to assess if there are any problems like reflux etc causing this. Your GP should also check you for postnatal depression, which is very common, 1 in 4 I think, so nothing to be embarrassed about. Just another one of the problems that our raging hormones cause.

My baby was unsettled for 6wks. I remember the feelings of hopelessness and anguish. I found several things that turned it around for him, (no PND tho I'm prone to depression)

The first was a baby pouch carrier. I had a good brand one, he would fall asleep as I walked about, attending to 'life', then I could lean over and undo the press-studs and lay him down for sleep. It (& singing) became vital for me.

Another thing was co-sleeping. I don't know current recommendations, but I did this in the daytime. My baby would settle so much better with touch involved. I would just doze, or get up and build a pillow wall on my bed and get some me time.

Both of the above encourage bonding to develop, so double bonus. Settled baby and bonding time.

What helped me most was following my instincts. When my baby was 5wks old he was very unsettled. I noticed he was able to lift his head ie strong neck. He seemed happier on his tummy. So against SIDS advice of back sleeping,I tried putting him down on his tummy, still complying with all other recommendations. He slept through. It was a game changer for me.

Everyone is different and so is every baby. Talk to your GP or your mothercraft nurse. You will find your routine soon. Try to enjoy it all, I know it doesn't feel like it now but it does go so fast.

[Quercus]

Hi Harpmum,

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time and really feel for you.

I also found it hard to adapt to the changes becoming a parent brings. Especially isolation and boredom (I found the feeding, burping, nappy changing, sleeping routine so mindnumbing). But there are things that can help and it does get easier.

Have you seen your community midwife lately? They can do the postnatal depression checklist with you, give you practical advice and its good to have someone to talk to who knows what is out there in terms of help for parents. For example they may know a lactation consultant who can help with breastfeeding if that is a problem (if you're bottle feeding the community midwife can help with advice on that too).

It is worth looking for information on a local mums group or walking group (having a regular appointment that makes you get out of the house and talking to other mums helps).

You didn't mention what support you have but it's worth having a good think about how you can structure time for yourself to have some baby free time. Just because you're a mum doesn't change that you have needs too and you sound exhausted.

Finally, someone told me once... You are doing the best you can at this time so be kind to and forgiving of yourself. Hope to hear you are feeling a little better soon.

[Elsie77]

I'm sending out my best vibes to you. I remember just sitting and crying with both of my babies feeling like the most terrible mother in the world because it's supposed to be a time full of joy and love and precious moments right? Well, kind of, there are those things but no one talks enough about the bloody hard and gutrenching and guilt ridden and desperate times there are. Even mothers groups can sometimes feel like groups of women competeing for the best baby prize and talking like they know all the answers. I'm sure they all had some of the crying your eyes out moments too. Be kind to yourself. Babies cry because it is their only way of communicating and not because they are unhappy or miserable or because you are doing something wrong. It is all a big puzzle of trial and error and what works for one baby doesn't for another. Keep asking for help and support and take the bad times as a sign that things can only get better (and they do). Sleep when baby sleeps. When you find yourself enjoying a snuggle cherish and remember it and know there are many more to come. Baby won't have any memory of this time. Take it moment by moment.

[Alampii]

Call the PANDA National Helpline, Mon to Frid, 10am - 5pm AEDT, 1300 726 306. There are people willing to listen, willing to help, who wont judge you. Many mothers go through similar sorts of feelings.

[Becstar]

Hi Harpmum,

i was so young when I had my first baby and I remember feeling exactly like what you have said. I wish I knew then that I could ask for help and I also wish I knew that postpartum/postnatal depression was even a thing. Ask for help if you can, your not alone, it's hard but it will hopefully get easier for you in time.

I felt so guilty that I didn't immediately bond with my baby and I thought that I was just a bad Mum, it took years but I started loving him more and more each day and it wasn't until he was a bit older that I even felt maternal. I attribute it to not getting help early and struggling with everything!

Big Hugs to you XX