New and starting afresh

[archimedes]

Hi , Im a 50 yr old man with three great children, I have a long history of anxiety and depression and generally not doing well at life. My wife has decided she wants a separation but until we sell the house we cannot live separately. Since the initial separation 6 months ago covid19 has affected my employer and i was made redundant, we are still gaining final approval for building a workshop on our property before we can put the house on the market. My mother revealed she was aware of the sexual abuse of my older sibling who perpetrated against myself when I was 10. Ive been reemployed because of the Jobkeeper financial support thankfully . I am experiencing elevated levels of stress and anxiety that i have never experienced before and only just coping with my crisis. I have sought help through psychologists and psychiatrists and taking medication to manage my situation. I have no other support network. I look back on a life of waste and squandered opportunity and find little or no solace in anything . The problems in my marriage were not totally my fault but most of the responsibility falls at my feet. I have never felt so isolated and alone with no hope in all of my life. I feel i have nothing left except my three children.

[Sophie_M]

Hi archimedes, Welcome to the forums. We are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage. We are so sorry to hear that you have been experiencing such a diffiuclt time and that you are feeling isolated and without hope. Please know that you are never alone, our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. 

If you feel it might be helpful, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You might also be interested in reading about the journey of someone who at one point felt hopeless: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/losing-hope-finding-hope”  

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.