Need someone to talk too

[BelH84]

Hi...
My husband walked out on my 2 months ago because of my mental illness and I have been getting counselling with him as well as on my own for 2 months. 2 months earlier, I was left without a job and I had been working in the same place as him. Tomorrow is my daughter's 11th birthday and my husband and his son are coming over tonight. We are a blended family but i have been in his life for over half of it. I haven't seen his son in 2 months and I am so worried at how I am going to be. I am currently being treated for BPD even though it is not the a completed diagnosis. All i do from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep is cry and think about my family and how I just wish we were all together under the same roof. I try to stop thinking of the bad stuff that can go wrong but I cant help it. I havent had a good week in terms of my mental health and he just "doesnt know" if he is comfortable coming back home. I cant see the small steps that need to happen. Just the bigger picture and how depressed I am at the moment without them by our side. I have this guilt that I cant give my daughter anything she wants for her birthday as I am just scraping by paying for all my medical expenses. Im trying to be positive but I dont know how much longer I can do that filled in a house surrounded but things that we have built up and all their stuff as well. I have the guilt of my dad having to be here to look after me and missing out on the birth of his 3rd grandchild. I hope there is someone to talk to on this.

[geoff]

Hello BelH84, and can we offer you a warm welcome to the forums.

I am deeply sorry for the position you are in and certainly know what it's like when you just suddenly cry for no apparent reason, but for you, there doesn't have to be, when suffering from situations beyond your control and unable to cope with them.

I hope this does welcome you and please know that every one of us has had to struggle through some type of depression, and want to help you as much as we can, so we hope to hear back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.

[BelH84]

I just don't know what to do. My pysch has made me put a safety plan in place. I can't stop what I am feeling or control them.

[Nimi]

Hi Bel,

I want to welcome you here as well and send you all the very best of wishes. I too can relate to that feeling, and the accompanying guilt of not being able to stop those unwanted emotions or downward spirals. It's truly difficult and sometimes it feels like no matter what you do it won't change anything.

But that isn't true! The position you are in is difficult, and it is not your fault that you feel the way you do. You are doing your very best and I am sure there are lots of small things you do each and every day that prove what a beautiful and kind person you are! You are worthy of self love! Do not feel ashamed of yourself, when you have even had the courage to come here to the forums and ask for help because you care about other people as well as yourself! That is proof!

Take it one step at a time. If you are nervous about tonight and tomorrow, maybe take some time to write down your thoughts, or do something that you enjoy if possible to help yourself recharge and refresh?

Best wishes
~ Nimi

[monkey_magic]

Hi BelH84,

That's great that you have a safety plan in place. Your psych wants to keep you safe and so do we.

You are suffering tremendous loses. It's ok to be upset and down and cry but when it carries on for extended periods I think U need to reach out for some solutions.

Has the councillor and psychiatrist helped at all?

I used to have crying spells but I had to literally focus on other things and swim at the local pools consistently to manage them.

I'm sure your father wants to be there to look after you so you shouldn't feel guilty. You are worthy of care. You are going through a hard time and need support.

Your attention,time,love and care is worth more than any material item for your daughter's bday.

Mental illness is very hard to live with so be gentle on yourself, love and nurture yourself and we are here to listen and chat 24/7.

💜

[BelH84]

I dont know if he is staying or going. I'm in limbo and it is putting tremendous pressure on my family. I have been isolated from people i thought as close friends and family and now I struggle day to day not knowing if and when. My impatience gets the better of me as I want things to move fast and I can't control that and do not how to stop everything. Doing day to day things is very hard. Trying to get out of bed is hard. I cant help but feel the guilt qbout everything. I wish it could stop.