My partner seems like she has given up & I feel like I'm starting to struggle with depression myself.

[Beggar36]

In our 8 year relationship my partner has spent the majority of the past 6 years unemployed. She is intelligent & highly educated. I am not a high income earner & have pretty much finacially supported both of us. We get by by but struggle to indulge ourselves very often. There have been times she has broken down before but showing my support & telling her I love her have always helped in the past.

A few months ago a workmate tried to set her up with a job & I dont think she went through with applying. I have never pressured her into finding work before but I really felt let down by this & perhaps I wasnt emotioanlly there for her & there was a slight disconnection between us. This meant I would work, come home & tidy up cook etc & thats when I first started feeling like this was all our relatioship was ever going to be. I have been holding out for our lives to improve but felt she might never get work again & was becoming suspicious of how hard she tried.

She has a poor relationship with her family & I seem to be her only emotinal support. A few weeks ago she came home from her mothers upset like she usually is after spending time with her & I learnt she owed $500 on a credit card. I have bailed her out in the past but atm money is really tight. I came up with a plan to resolve everything by selling some items which would help her start up a business she seemed positive about & things seemd good for a week but I was struggling worrying about finances. I began crying for no reason at work & at home

This week My partner started off very distant with me & the past few days has spent locked up in a dark room wanting to be left alone. Nothing I tried could console her. Last night I visited my sister for help for myself & advice on how to handle my partner. My partner rang me when I was gone & when I told her I was at my sisters she seemed mad. When I came back I tried speaking to her but she wanted nothing to do with me. I ended up sleeping on the couch to be woken up by her yelling at me. She had breached my privacy by reading my messages to my sister. There was nothing bad but I did mention the room stank which upset her greatly. We then spoke & I tried to tell her that I was struggling & we both needed to see a doctor but she doesnt want to go. Shows no empathy for my emotions & seems like she has given up almost daring me to break up with her. Im worried if we did break up what she would do as I am her only support & worry she could end up homeless or worse

[loouuiiee]

I would just like to point out how lucky your partner is to have you. you not only support her financially but you also seem to really care about her emotional wellness and have her best interests at heart.

I hope she realises this and seeks help to sort her own issues out soon before it does any more damage to you and the relationship the two of you share.

[black_rose]

Don't know if this helps but I'll try. Most of what I suggest you may have already tried. From the sounds of it you've tried a lot.

Perhaps sit down with her tell her your concerned about her and love her.

Slowly bring up the topic of finances but before doing so mention that you are not trying to upset here, but you a genuinely concerned.

If she gets upset tell her it's okay, and ask if it's too much for her to deal with (sounds like it could be and if her shields come up) tell her that if it is then that's ok. It's ok for things to me too much to handle.

Ask her if it's too much if it would be okay for you to sort them out on her behalf and let her know you only want to help her.

Sadly I too use to be a lot like your partner, I buried myself in an online game that required me to take leadership roles and to put a lot of effort in to make sure things were good for every one.

I also hated dealing personal finances as we were both unemployed and I stuck my head in the sand, my partner didn't quite get that it was all too much for me. Yet I was the one who dealt with the finances, as you could imagine it didn't end well. We ended up homeless due to unpaid rent. Not my proudest moment.

Things are better these days thankfully, we are now both working. He's full time. I'm part time as that's all I can cope with mentally, and I'm not so big on online games that require significant responsibility anymore.

These are the things I wished my partner would have done for me bit even now he's stillan ostrich when it comes to finances.

Also your partner is lucky to to have someone who cares about her so much. Good luck and I truly hope things get better for the 2 of you