Living with Depression

[smileym]

Finally feel well enough to share my story 🙂 I was first diagnosed with depression 7 years ago just as my marriage ended.I had been living with a textbook case of a narcissistic husband and had been subjected to 19 years of psychological abuse.My depression rended me unable to work for over 12 months and included suicidal behaviour. During my recovery I finally realised what had been happening to me over the course of my marriage. I also came to discover that I could love another woman and now am proud to say I am a lesbian. Unfortunately my personality has made me susceptible to chosing another narcissistic person as my partner. We have been together for 6 years. I have been on regular medications for depression and at the beginning of this year I had suicidal behaviour and am lucky to say that my GP and psychologist were my saviours. As it came to light that my relationship was my trigger but at that point I was so defensive of my partner, I was displaying typical narcissistic victim behaviours. My depression resurfaced with a vengeance, I had the means and I had a plan to end my life. But I turned to the people that had helped me the most,first my psychologist, and inturn my GP that got me help.It required a 2 week stay in a mental health unit at a hospital.I am no stranger to hospitals as I work in one as I am a Nurse Manager. So I had to overcome the embarrassing feelings, self blame and guilt.The only way to do this was let people in to help, being honest and share what I was thinking.I have since continued with regular psychology sessions and GP visits to keep me going in the right direction. 4 months later I'm strong and clear headed enough to start dealing with the issues of my partner. We are still have sessions together. For this part I remain hopeful but am ready to make the decision,that to stay well, being in the relationship with a person who has no insight into there narcissistic behaviour is not right for me.I have support if need be and I also have a safety plan! I am determined to stay strong and actual look after my self for a change. I now know that it's not me to blame.

it all will work out if we keep moving forward.

smileym

[Synapse]

Hi smileym,

Welcome to the blueVoices community! I'm sure that you will find the people on this forum to be engaging, empathetic, and helpful to your situation.

It seems that you have gone though quite a lot in your life. You may find that there are quite a few people in this forum who have experienced similar situations such as yours. Understandably, depression is a very difficult beast to fight off, but clearly you are doing all the right things by actively engaging with your GP and Psychologist.

I am very happy to hear that you have access to support and a safety plan. Your strength and determination is most admirable, and you are quite right in saying that you are not to blame.

I wish you all the very best and I look forward to your contributions on the forum.

Cheers,
Ken.

[Gruffudd]

Hi smileym,

Thankyou for sharing your story with us. I appreciate the strength you have shown to understand yourself and move forward. I love that you are proud to be a lesbian, I'm proud of you for realising how good it is to be who we are and taking pride in that.

I hope to see you around the Beyond Blue forums.

Rob.