Just needed to vent

[bobolk]

Hi all,

I'm not sure what to say, I'm new here and I just need to get some things off my chest, events over the weekend have led me here. To start I have never been to a doctor regarding my mental health but i am sure that i suffer from depression and have done for most of my life. I was suicidal at a young age around 12 or 13 is my first memories of suicidal thoughts and a few attempts. I have been a severe alcoholic since i was about 16 and have been hospitalized on numerous occasions for alcohol related injuries and illness, most recently a severe head injury which is still giving me quite a lot of drama, with my memory, concentration and also is affecting my moods. I had stopped drinking in October last year but in November my long time girlfriend left me and since then I have had alot of trouble staying sober and have gone on several big benders all of which have resulted in either attempted suicides or trips to the er or the police station. Most recently on the weekend i fell off the wagon again and when i drink the dark side of me gets the better of me. After a rather viscous hangover i have decided I'm am going to seek professional help for both my drinking and for my mental health problems. I used to be avid skydiver and motocross rider but I have not ridden in along time due to being drunk 24/7 for the last 6 or 7 years. I always struggled to understand why i became a alcoholic and I now know that i was trying to block out the pain that i was feeling and I now understand that my alcoholism is directly caused by my feelings of depression and despair. final straw for my ex gf. I have been struggling without her as I am still very much in love with her and she still loves me a lot but she said she had to go because she didn't want to watch me die, and now she doesn't answer my calls or texts. I'm lost and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for my spelling and grammar I found it very hard to write this and there are many things I have left out thanks for reading.

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[bobolk]

Sorry Neil, also I forgot to add in my last post the doctor I saw I just found in the phone book and later I will find a doctor via bb.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Bobolk

(Can we call you “Bob” for short?)

Ahhh, the massive surprise of finding something past hidden.  I know I’ve done that with a $50 note from time to time;   placed it somewhere in my clothes cupboard and THAT is an awesome surprise.   But finding a bottle of stashed vodka, must have both a surprise and a …………………. and a bugga, because you weren’t strapped onto the wagon firmly enough – if you had been, you would have stashed it away again at the back of the pantry cupboard or something similar.  The only thing I really drink is beer, and so hiding it away isn’t of much use, cause one needs to have it adequately chilled before consumption, so I’ve never thought to do the hiding thing.

It’s been a few days now for your new job – I really hope that things are moving along nicely there for you and that you’re happy with it;  and that they are happy with you.

Anyway, just wanted to chip in mainly about the job;  and hope that it’s going well and also that you’ve done a hard and thorough search of your house for anymore ‘stashed’ bottles and that you didn’t find any.

Cheers (with water)

Neil

Ps:   thanx for the GP update and I am very confident that by choosing a GP that is associated with Beyond Blue, that’ll provide you with far greater support (not wishing to shovel out on other GP’s, it’s just that for one’s that are affiliated with BB, the confidence level would be much greater.