Hello,
You might have seen me post here before. I fid it really helps to air my thoughts and feelings in a safe place.
It all started in early September. Depression had been sneaking up on me for some time, but I chose to ignore it. Then I lost my job and it absolutely sent me over the edge. My confidence was completely shattered and I had to deal with everything I'd been blocking out.
You see, I've never been in a relationship before. I discovered at 13 that I was terrified of the prospect (I still don't know why) and haven't even had so much as a crush on someone since then. In order to keep myself happy I simply immersed myself in my job and spent lots of time with friends. Now that I'm almost 29, all of my friends are either with someone or have moved overseas. I'm incredibly lonely and fear I will be this way for the rest of my life.
I've started a new job but I don't get much satisfaction from it. Our family dog passed away recently and the apartment I rent was sold. My housemate told me she no longer wanted to live with me anymore because of the anxiety and depression. To top it off, my grandmother is not doing so great. I haven't considered the option of losing her because this is too much for my brain to bear right now.
I don't sleep or eat much. I spent last weekend at my parents house, shaking and crying the whole time. I spoke to my mum last night and she sounded so strained and worried. I feel terrible for doing this to her.
I've been taking medication and seeing a psychologist but it doesn't seem to be helping. Thanks for listening.
