Is it depression?

Applee · ‎07-10-2015

I'm lost. I found myself googling the phrase "what to do when you don't know what to do" and arrived on a forum post here.

Nothing seems to be great at present and I am finding myself spending every waking moment thinking about well everything. I can't seem to get my mind to stop thinking. It's an odd feeling, thinking about what to have for lunch and end up asking myself why I haven't gone anywhere in life. Wondering to myself what's holding me back. Feeling worthless and ashamed.

I have had bouts of depression in the past that have usually been triggered by an event of some kind. This feels different I'm not sad, I'm not angry... I just don't know. My partner often asks me what's wrong, why are you in such a bad mood and that is my answer " I don't know". I can't describe how I feel. Writing this is the closest I've come to being able to pen my emotions.

Nothing in my life is worth being depressed over. I live a very privileged life. TrAvel a lot, do very little work, enjoy all of the finer things yet here I am.

i don't know what I'm looking for here. I just thought I'd would try to say how I am feeling.

kind regards

M

White_Rose · ‎08-10-2015

Dear Applee

It's great that you have found your way to Beyond Blue. Hello and welcome.

Depression can take many forms and certainly feeling devoid of feelings can be part of it. Unfortunately depression does not always need an event to trigger this illness, or maybe the event is so small, though significant, you have not noticed it happening.

Alternatively you may just be bored with your life at the moment. You have no great problems in life and as you say, you have quite a privileged life. You say you do little work. Does this mean you have a part time paid job, no paid work, little work to do in your home? If money is of little concern have you considered a volunteer job? As I do not know where you live I suggest you go to the Volunteering Australia web site and find your state organisation from there.

It is amazing the skills required by various organisations. They range from meeting a person once a week for coffee to managing a whole volunteer organisation. Work of this kind can really change your life and in particular your views on life. Many people find a deep satisfaction in helping others and of course, this is the true reward.

Another option is to find an engrossing activity for yourself. Redesign your garden and carry out all the work yourself. At the moment I am lost for further suggestions. Too early in the morning. But I am sure you get my drift. We all need a focus for our lives and without it we do truly feel lost. Work is often that focus for financial reasons but many folk find their true focus in other areas of life. May I suggest you look around and see what is on offer.

I am really interested in your thoughts on this.

Mary

romantic_thi3f · ‎08-10-2015

Hi Applee,

Welcome to BeyondBlue and thanks for reaching out.

I agree with White Rose in that depression does not need to be triggered by an event for it to happen. Even though families, relationships, work and where we live (or if we travel) can be a factor, it doesn't necessarily mean we can't be depressed otherwise. It's also okay for depression to look and feel a bit different to last time. This is really common.

The good news though is that you're recognising that you're not quite yourself. Sometimes this is often the first step. Usually the second step though is about seeing a psychologist or figuring out what you need to feel a bit better again.

At the very least, remember this:

You are not worthless.

It's okay if you have depression. Depression doesn't discriminate.

Take care,

Vic90 · ‎15-10-2015

I don't know if this is the right thread to ask this but for many years i've felt really crappy within myself but i've never felt that I've had the right to call what I feel depression.

Long-story short I have a loving and supportive family, great friends and i'm working a job thats financially secure and incredibly satisfying. But despite this i continue to suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem and a sense of worthlessness. I've had family relatives directly affected by the devastating consequences of depression. And whenever I try to compare how I feel currently to how they must have felt I end up feeling like an ungrateful ingrate for taking for granted everything I have and only looking at what I feel I am missing.

I dunno, if someone could give me some insight it'd be appreciated.

Thanks.

romantic_thi3f · ‎19-10-2015

Hi Vic90,

I just saw your post. It looks as though you'd commented on Applee's thread. Can I suggest in future to start a new thread? This will just help make sure that your post gets seen as it just come's up as a new post for Applee.

In short: anyone can have depression. Family, friends and a job are all factors to being diagnosed with depression, but they are not limitations. Many people who are diagnosed with depression do not fit one single category. They may have a supportive family but feel unloved, or they might have just gotten a promotion but still feeling worthless. This does not in anyway, shape or form make them ungrateful. This is simply the nature of depression.

I hope this answers your questions. Feel free to reach out again or remember you can always call the BeyondBlue support line to talk to somebody.

Take care,

Vic90 · ‎20-10-2015

Hi romantic_thi3f,

I really appreciate your response and I have been in contact with some people who I hope can help me out. I can't describe how cathartic it feels to have how i feel validated as more than just a bunch of "first world problems".

Thanks once again!