In mental bondage

[Redboots]

Hi I’m new here and just needed somewhere to share what’s been going on inside me. My depression goes in weekly cycles and its mentally exhausting. I’m not on medication and I don’t want to be as in the past they through me around a bit. I feel I can manage my lows with regular running. But when it hits me it really hits me and I don’t understand the reason for being alive. I don’t like this world and I don’t want to be a part of it. These thoughts immobilise me and I literally cannot leave the house. I feel like I’m screaming through a glass box on the top of a hill and no one can see or hear me. Does anyone else feel this imprisonment and isolation of depression?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Redboots,

You sound very drained, isolated and tired. I know depression can be very debilitating...I feel for you about how incapacitating it can be when the lows strike...

The disconnection & detachment you feel must be hard. I think it’s maybe a little like seeing the world through a one-way mirror...and that’s a very lonely place to be...

I think that I can relate to aspects of your post. Sometimes I feel a certain disconnection, but not necessarily for the same reasons as you. But I can still empathise with how painful that feeling can be...

Running seems to be an excellent outlet for you, based on what you’re saying. I like creative pursuits to help me cope. I suppose we all have our own ways of coping 🙂

I wonder how you have been doing since your first post? There’s no pressure to write more than you wish, but if you’re feeling up to it, it would be lovely to hear more about you.

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[Sophie_M]

Hi Redboot we have sent you a private message given the difficult time you are going through. Please have a look and take care for now. Beyond Blue is always available to talk if needed on 1300 22 4636