I'm struggling

[Outofsorts]

Hello, I just need to get all of this out. I rarely get time to myself to put my thoughts in order; my son is asleep and I usually nap when he does, but decided to use this time to write here.

I have suffered mild depression for years, but this past year it has gotten severe; my doctor has changed and just increased my meds. I have a serious foot injury that's been ongoing nearly a year, only recently diagnosed and being treated for. I have a nearly 3 year old very active son whom I adore, but he's driving me mad as well, being the age he is. Because I'm so depressed I have very little patience with him, especially when we are out and he's 'misbehaving' which in reality is just him being his age. I worry so much about how my depression is affecting him. I get angry with him and that's not fair on him and then I feel guilty which makes things worse in my head.

My husband and I love each other but have a lot of conflict. The other day he berated me about having meat from the shops in the fridge and not having put it in the freezer yet "you know you can't freeze OFF meat, you know that don't you?" I had just bought the meat the day before and was dealing with a very sick child. He is very anal about food going off (and many other things!), yet I have never ever given us food poisoning. It was so uncalled for and that is his attitude. He has a lot of anxiety and his way to deal with it is to try and control things. He also deflects a lot; won't apologise for things but say "I was just joking" or "But you do it too". Anyway, after the meat incident I finally said out loud what I'd been thinking for ages: We have to go for counselling or we have to split up. I cannot take it anymore. I feel I take all the blame and my depression often gets the blame. Good news is he agreed to counselling and he has organised our first appointment for Monday.

I'm not from Australia. I have been here 10 years and while I sort of have some friends, I don't feel I have "my people" or anyone I can just ring and say 'hey let's go get a drink' or hang out with and vent. I don't feel like I've really settled in here. Whereas hubby did grow up here. Of course, if we were to go back to my country it wouldn't be the same, as all my friends have moved on.

Anyway, in a nutshell I'm really struggling. I have lots of projects to do at home but no energy or motivation to do them. I struggle just to do the daily things.

Thanks all for listening.

[white knight]

Hi OOS, welcome

If every there was a time a couple needs to work as a team its now, when your child is full on and your depression is high.

I'm similar with the meat issue. My wife never divides the mince to freeze it etc so it sits there until I complsined. Thst was 5 years ago. Finally I thought, well fo it myself then.and I still do. We all have our lapses and things we do well. I think hubby needs to take on the roles that dont come natural to you. His hands are likely idle at the time. Team effort is also equality...as close as you can get to it.

Its great he is going to counseling. I do have an idea on conflicts - when you argue and one person storms off have an agreement whereby

Never leave the property

Never drive

Never follow them

After a while, say 20-30 minutes one person, doesnt matter who, asks the other if they would like a cuppa.

If yes then all ok, have your cuppa keep volume down etc

if not then the other petson isnt ready. Its the up to that person to approach the other when they are ready....and ask for a cuppa.

Its worked at our house for 7 years.

Also google

Topic: who cares fir the carer?- beyondblue

Topic- embracing the embracer- beyondblue

Topic: 3 things, happy marriage, hobbies and spirit- beyondblue

Topic: different values and their effects- beyondblue

Tony WK

[Outofsorts]

Thank you so much WK. Your ideas are great and I will give them a go. Regarding the meat, I totally get where you are coming from. It's all so silly really. And I have said to my husband on various issues "if you don't like how I do it, thendo it yourself". And he does in some cases but then he gets resentful. Anyhow, at least he agreed to counselling. Thanks again.

[demonblaster]

Hey Out 🙂

Doesn't sound like life's much chop atm & that foot must be dragging you down too.
Sorry to hear how you're feeling.

Maybe later when things settle you could join a club or group, meet some new people.

I do feel for you Out

Yeah know that guilt, moreso in the past for me after I'd gone off at Mum mainly but others too. It pulls us down more.

You getting any sort of quality sleep?

Great hubby agreed to counselling. Good you spoke up.

It's the depression & probs tiredness that's sapping your energy. I'm finding in these times definately worth pushing through if only for a short time for distraction and mental stimulation

Keep us posted, good on you for opening up 🙂