I have zero motivation. Totally disillusioned and drink too much

[Guest_1573]

Hi

I have been off work for a very long time due to an injury. Throughout that time I was hassled and bullied by workcover. I was also dealing with the depression and stress from losing the job I loved. I ended up drinking as I was so lonely, bored and anxious.

I have now recovered from the injury and have got my payout etc. Trouble is I now trust nobody and have no faith in anyone or anything. I have attempted numerous jobs and they have all turned out to be horrible in that the focus on inclusion etc is not actually happening? Bullying is rife out there!!

I now just like drinking and zoning out a bit as I find reality too awful. I find most people to be rude and selfish. I am totally disillusioned with all of the jobs I have taken on (and left). Same with the help I have offered to rescue dogs. Everyone appears to be a control freak and all I want is peace and to rescue a dear dog. But everything always goes pearshaped. I am on my own with a difficult teenager and I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I do goes wrong.

I have spoken with counsellors, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors. Again...get palmed off and that just adds to my disillusionment with everything.

I am a very strong person and I never give up. I just want to know if anyone else feels the same. The lack of respect out there is terrible. The focus on everything is apparently to not bully or judge people but it is ludicrous as that is all that seems to happen.

I am fed up with society in general and I just want to live a quiet peaceful life helping dogs. Is that too much to ask?

[Guest_1573]

Thanks again for being there for me.

I got a message late yesterday stating the dog I wanted had been fostered to someone else. I was so upset. I am not going on those sites anymore. I don't understand the people who operate them!

I will check out the links. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. I truly feel devastated and as if there is something wrong with me. 😞

[Guest_1573]

Me again.

Since last post I have had two different jobs.....both quite physical and boring....I quit when I realised the money I earnt was all going to my son! Plus being treated like a nobody because of my age...no thanks.

My son has a few job interviews lined up over the next few days. I have told him how important it is that he gets a job as I am not spending my nest egg on him! He is so lazy and unmotivated..it kills me. The job interviews have only come about because of me! He certainly hasn't done anything to find a job as he loves living the life of Reilly here at my expense!

Meanwhile because of all the stress around his jobs/payments etc I have gone off the rails again. I find life so boring/stressful all I want to do is eat or drink or gamble. I am a nightmare. The only respite I have is when I sleep as my ridiculously vivid dreams are far more interesting than my crap reality.

I guess I just wonder if others feel like me. Essentially I feel totally washed up and done for. There will be no happy ending for me. I am isolated; have no friends and no interest. No interest in a partner after the disgusting men I have allowed into my life previously. Nothing at all interests me except for food and alcohol. Which I fight against daily. The stress my son has put me under since I became a single parent has totally ruined me. I have no help from his so called Dad....never have.

I used to be thin, good looking, happy. Worked at many jobs and was ok. After being abused by so many men and having to undergo such trauma with IVF etc I now just feel like nothing is worth the effort. The only good I can say is that I have rescued many animals and donated a lot of money to animal rescue organisations. That has also made me worse as when I see what goes on with dear innocent animals it makes me so furious and upset and I just hate everyone afterwards.

I ring counselling lines every week and that makes a slight difference. But other than that I am just so tired and over it all. I must be paying off a karmic debt because absolutely NOTHING I do makes any difference.