I feel angry all the time and prefer being alone

[SmiSal]

I feel like I always want to be left alone and I feel like screaming whenever anyone wants to engage in inane chatter or small talk. In a social environment I am always aware of other people and what they are feeling and simultaneously I'm always fearing their judgement and hoping they haven't noticed that Ive put on weight or noticed I've said something stupid. I come across as friendly and funny and kind. I care about other people and feel best when those around me are happy and content but if theyre not, I soak up all their negativity and it drains me emotionally. When I'm alone, I'm free of all these stresses and can read books, create art, engage in a thought provoking TV series or enjoy a wonderful meal. It is peaceful and I am happy. In our society however this is considered wrong and weird. Plus I'm a Mother and help my brother, ex partner and best friend look after their children so I am constantly asked to help and very rarely alone. Today I just feel like crying and running away. Am I suffering from some type of emotional disorder?

[geoff]

Hello SmiSal, I've just seen your post before I log off, and what you seem to be suffering from is depression, although I'm not qualified to say, but by suffering from it myself it's exactly how I felt.

I'm really sorry for you.

Sometimes when we feel like this all we want is to be alone, no one to judge us and no one to say what we should be doing, that's being peaceful.

We can sit down and watch a movie, doesn't matter whether it's an old movie or a series we have seen before so many times it's something we can relate to, and yes it's peaceful.

You need some time by yourself, and please remember you have to come first, your own health is so important, tell them you have a doctors appointment and if they suggest a referral to see a psychologist then that what would be a good idea.

Remember to ask your doctor about a 'mental health plan', this entitles you to 10 free visits to see them.

My Best Wishes.

Geoff.

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to Beyond Blue.

To answer your question ... Possibly. But I am not really qualified to answer that.

The way you described yourself as wondering if you said something stupid, or being judged does read like you are introverted. But as to the type of introversion??? I might go out on a limb and say that you are probably a deep thinker also? (Some of the things you mentioned apply to me also... in the top 1/2 of your post.)

However if you are feeling like "crying and running away" then there might be something that needs following up. It might also depend on whether this is a one-off thing to have you experienced it before, except maybe in a different form?

Beyond Blue does have a check list here...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10

It won't give you an answer like "you have...." but will assist you in determining the next action to take. Whether that be a visit to a GP or whatever. Again, be aware the "score" is not definitive and if necessary you can always talk to somebody.

Let me know if you have any other questions or would like to chat.

[quirkywords]

Smi Sal,

Welcome to the forum. I was just about to reply when I saw Geoff and smallwolf have replied before me. Thye have given you some helpful advice.

I suppose my first reaction was to say, I can relate to wanting peace and quiet at times especially when my children were small. I am not sure if your children are young or grown up.

Have you always felt like crying and running away and screaming at inane chatter or has this just been recent behaviour.

I like company but I also like being alone as well. I think many humans have this need. You may have been overwhelmed recently with demands on your time .AS Geoff said we all need time on our won to recharge.

Take care

Quirky

[SmiSal]

Thanks everyone for responding - I think I'll do as Geoff suggested and enquire about a mental health plan - I didnt realise you could access 10 free visits with a psychologist. And thanks for relating quirky and smallwolf - I am prone to deep thinking and introversion but lately it's gotten on top of me and I feel a bit panicky and upset....just felt worried as it is more intense than usual today - hence my joining BeyondBlue....cheers for the kind words...