- Beyond Blue Forums
- Mental health conditions
- Depression
- Husband with depression
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Follow
- Printer Friendly Page
Husband with depression
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
My husband has always experienced levels of depression and anxiety however for the last 18 months has been at his worst. He’s pushed me away, has no interest in talking to me, ignores me at times, makes me feel like I’m an inconvenience when I talk to him about everyday things, and doesn’t speak to me very well as a person in general. I’ve tried my best to support him however I can, but I can only deal with being treated this way for so long. He spoke to a psychologist for 5 sessions about 12 months ago and didn’t have a good experience. He said it made him feel worse and he won’t be speaking to a therapist again. I don’t see how things will Improve when he won’t seek help and they have been going this way for so long. I don’t want to leave him and I know what he is going through is horrible, but it’s also horrible for me and feel I don’t deserve to be treated this way. Is there a point where I say enough is enough. I hate that this has become the new normal and I just expect that he won’t be very nice to me.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi Sunnydays
You're such a thoughtful and caring partner who is obviously also suffering from (someone else's) depression. Depression can be such a brutal thing, the way it can lead everyone involved to suffer in such a variety of ways. My heart goes out to you.
If there's one key thing I've learned over the past few decades or so, when it comes to depression, there is always a reason for it. It doesn't come about for no good reason. As a 54yo gal, I've come to learn to wonder about, research, question and even feel all possible reasons for why I find myself in a depression. I've learned not to simply accept 'You have depression'. I don't have it but I am experiencing it as a side effect of something or some things/factors in my life. The question becomes 'What is it a side effect of?'. It can come across as a mental issue, a physical/chemical issue and even a soulful or soul destroying issue or all 3 combined.
While I spent years resenting my husband at times while I faced periods in a depression, I finally worked out what a lot of that resentment was about. In hindsight it was about him not 'rescuing' me. More precisely, it was about him not helping me make better sense of why I was struggling at times. In my mind, while I was depressed, it became about feeling him leaving me to work it out for myself while simply hoping I'd 'snap out of it' or 'get better'. The underlying resentment can be incredibly tough on a partner, incredibly tough at times. It can come across in so many ways that can be truly felt on a variety of emotional levels. I feel for you so much.
Wondering whether it would make a difference to the both of you if you became somewhat of a detective. There can be an enormous amount of depressing factors to detect and anxiety inducing factors too. The following is a bit of a mixed bunch (relating specifically to depression or anxiety or both combined). The list can be extensive and can include outdated or false beliefs/perception (damaging mental programs installed in that 'computer' up there in our head), vitamin/mineral/chemical deficiencies (B12, iron, dopamine, serotonin etc), sleep apnea, autism, ADHD, AuDHD, a lack of a sense of personal growth/evolution, mental and physical exhaustion (such as with General Adaptation Syndrome), trauma related experiences, a lack of skills/abilities/strategies in managing what can feel depressing or stressful and on it goes. In some cases you'll find people who have the natural ability to easily feel or sense what's depressing or stressful, aka 'feelers' or 'sensitives'. Learning to manage how and what they're feeling/experiencing becomes key. Learning how to turn the volume up or down on what they're feeling, learning how to gain a better sense of what they're feeling or even how to switch off completely can also be keys. I suppose you could say that, for some, it's an unmastered ability that can feel like a curse without an instruction manual. As a feeler or sensitive, one of the most depressing feelings or things to be sensing within our self can be a soul destroying lack of energy. If plenty of energy is the feeling of 'life running through us', the opposite of that can leave us feeling lifeless and deeply depressed.
