How do I know if I’m depressed or not?

[Lovessweet]

This is my first post and I’m scared to post here because I don’t know if I am depressed. I’m currently 22 but this has been a question I’ve asked myself since the beginning of high school.

When I was 13/14, I noticed that I would get this empty feeling in my stomach and/or a heavy feeling on my chest where it would feel difficulty to breath. I realised that I didn’t care if I lived or not but would never self harm because I couldn’t put the people I love through that. This didn’t occur often, it wasn’t constant, maybe for a couple of hours every month or two (maybe more, I don’t recall) and because of that I thought I would be fine and that it will past. And it kind of did.

The feeling would sometimes creep up, but it never lasted long. Nothing in particular would trigger it, sometimes I would wake up and feel empty. Sometimes in the middle of doing something I would feel empty. But as I’ve gotten older, gotten more responsibility, I’ve gotten better at distracting myself from it. Until today which has been the most intense and longest I’ve felt this way (past the couple of hours mark which I know still isn’t much). And I realised something, I can’t talk to anyone I know about it.

I have tried before and I tried talking to my boyfriend about it today. But every time the idea or thought of me being depressed is brought up, my mind begins to trivialise it. Oh I’m not depressed, I just get sad sometimes, stop being dramatic. And I push it away until the emptiness comes back again.

The thought that my life is meaningless from when I was a teen never went away. Like I said, I would never do anything intentionally but I don’t think I would be happy or sad if I wasn’t here anymore.

But at the end of the day I don’t know if I’m just really sad sometimes and I worry that if I do talk about it I will seem dramatic and trying to make a victim of myself or trying to seek attention because I’m not actually depressed. Ironically I’m also scared that if I talk about it to someone I know and they believe that I am depressed, they will try to help me and I don’t know if I’m ready for that either.

Im sorry if I wasted anyone’s time (especially if I’m right that I’m just sad and not depressed) but at least typing this long thread up has distracted me from the emptiness a bit. Also thank you to anyone who actually reads through this full thing...

[Alexlisa]

Hello Lovessweet,

I’m glad you were brave enough to reach out here. I know sometimes it can be quite daunting. It sounds like you have a lot on your mind that you’re trying to make sense of. I can hear that you’re quite anxious about getting it ‘wrong’, but depression is a spectrum - it ranges from severe to mild. And it’s ok to get help, wherever you happen to fall.

You mentioned that you’re maybe not ready to ask for help, but I’d like to encourage you to think about it. It sounds like you could use some support at least to understand what’s happening for you, whether it’s depression or not. People see psychologists for all kinds of reasons, not just mental illness. They may be having a hard time at work, or are feeling lost, or have anxiety, or just need someone else to hear their story. It’s ok to ask for help whether it’s depression or not.

If you say to your GP that you’d like to speak to someone they will be able to give you a Mental Health Care Plan which lets you see a psychologist for free, 10 times per year. Lots of people do this in your kind of situation, where they just want a bit of help and outside insight. Psychologists are great at listening and giving their insights that can help you better understand yourself, and teach you skills that will help you improve your life.

I know you worry it will seem too extreme to ask for help, but because you’ve been feeling this way on and off for such a long time I think you should consider it. Maybe think of posting here as your first step. You deserve to be able to find a content and fulfilling place for yourself in the world, rather than an empty feeling, and you deserve to be supported to find it.

Take care,

Alexlisa

[IsaJett]

Hi Lovesweet

I completely understand what you are saying as I too have felt so conflicted about if I am indeed depressed or not and dont want to self diagnose and all the other implications that come with it. Seeing a Pyschologist doesn’t mean you have depression . It simply means you have someone to talk it over with...all the things that you are feeling. My Pyschologist is like a friend I can talk to and doesn’t judge me at all. I always feel a whole heap better talking to her. I had a few sessions and I have learned a lot about myself . And these are lifelong skills that I need to use in my everyday life ...to regulate my emotions etc.

It has been awesome ..it definitely helped me as I knew it wasn’t me ...but it was life and the things beyond my control that was getting me down . I highly recommend seeing one or even calling the beyond blue helpline . Even on the phone ...they offer simple tips you can try.

Stay well and keep us posted on your progress.