Depressed

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? Sorry, I'm back & I can't get my mind off of the thought that my management at work is not good.

They're okay. I think I need to leave, but I'm terrible at getting jobs. 

Plus too, I'm the only one who thinks our management is not doing a good job! My brain has given up & I don't want to have ideas, as no one likes them & they don't like change.

Most people there think management are the best (I don't say anything, as it wouldn't be professional) , which makes me more lonely as I'm the only one and I feel bad & guilty.

Don't get me wrong, their not bad people, just not good managers, more into the money. 

I'm so bad, that I've been wishing for directors or judges or lawyers to tell them what to do.

I can't seem to rid my brain of this thought, to just do my work.

I can't go to HR, as they can't do anything - I'm an awful awful person, for even thinking how hopeless they are - plus too, they act like their doing a wonderful job - so I'm wrong

Thanks for letting me rant - and I am trying to find another job, but it's hard & than I get more depressed, because there's probably more bad management out there & so there's no point in leaving...

I've been doing really great, & now...

On the bright side, it was a nice day today...

I understand why people get depressed at work, but also sad as management are people, but can't see the wood for the trees, that people can't talk to them, to tell the truth. I can now understand how court cases happen because of it, but that's useless as unless people want to change, they won't. 

But also too, in the world, there's no hope as bad management stays in organisations- no one cares.

[Daydreamer70]

I understand completley the struggle of having a lot of brain clutter. It feels super chaotic when your thoughts feel too loud and overwhelming. A tool i like to use when I feel like i need to get things off my mind is journalling. I know it can seem small and insignificant, but even just seeing my thoughts on a physical page makes it easier to let certain things go and move forward. Our brains can be confusing and messy sometimes, but i try to think of what I can control, which is how I choose to respond to the thoughts i have. Try also reaching out to someone you trust to speak about how you are feeling, this often helps me too. The Beyond Blue services are always incredible and ready to help. 

[sbella02]

JacintaMarie,

Thank you for posting here, and I'm sorry to hear that this has become quite distressing for you. It can be frustrating to lack control or the ability to make changes in an environment where you spend a lot of your time.

Firstly, ideas are not stupid. Often, "stupid" ideas are great suggestions with no place to go. They could work really well in another setting.

I'd like to echo Jessica_Cloud's words here, in that: 

Feelings are not evidence. Feelings are not facts. A mere belief is not the same as knowing a fact. Challenge your thinking and be wiser and smarter than your unhelpful automatic thoughts. 

It's important to remember that our thoughts are just that: thoughts. We can really wrap ourselves up in a bit of a thought prison that's difficult to escape from. Sometimes it can be helpful to just let them exist and tell yourself that they don't always reflect reality. Our brains are really good at dwelling on things and giving them greater meaning than they are worth. 

Having said that, I know from experience that management problems can be difficult to navigate and that it's so easy to get wrapped up in the negatives at work. Especially if you spend a lot of your time there, you start to recognise where and when you're being treated unfairly, or where there might be injustices or mismanagement, and it can be challenging to move past that and get on with your work with this in mind.

So, from my own experiences, you may have several options:

• "Toughing it out" - seeking refuge in the good moments and trying to push through the bad; engaging in things you love to do outside of work; reminding yourself of why you started, where you're going, and holding onto that sense of purpose
• Approaching people who are higher up to try and affect some kind of change (e.g. HR, union, etc.)
• Moving to a different department
• Switching workplaces entirely

Which of these, if at all, do you think you'd fall more into? Which of these have you already tried or would be willing to try?

I hope this resonates with you. Feel free to keep chatting with us if you'd like, we're here to give support.

All the best, SB

[JacintaMarie]

Thanks Jessica

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

I might do that, when I get home. I want peace in head.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Thanks for that, some good points in there. I think with my management, I need to go, as there not going to get better & I don't have evidence to send to higher ups, besides it might just be my brain. At times I feel bad that they need to go, but than I think, they're not doing job.

I'll try with the feelings aren't fact or evidence.

The only thing I've been doing is wishing to universe, for them to be taken away, & some better people in the job

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Am slowly getting better & have slowly realized to give up on ideas happening at work...for the simple reason that my colleagues are not proactive. Took me 15 years to figure it out.

I've been listening to podcasts & Jay Shetty & mindful ones at work which has helped.

What my sin is, is that some of my colleagues I think have big egos & when they're being egotiscal they're abit awful & feel guilty that I've given up on them on doing anything & my sin is that I think they're useless. That's bad isn't it, to think your bosses are useless & to even hope they get taken away.  Not sure if this is worth it to put up. 

I do feel stupid for ever having hope & I want my hope to go, with them of course, as its totally useless. I know it won't happen, its in the bottom of my soul. Maybe it might happen with other bosses, but new bosses won't be for long time. Reactive people in government don't get removed - oh, not fair - it makes me loose faith in government. Hope that's okay to say. The main thing is I want to give up hope in them - mainly for my mental health

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

Welcome back.

Sure it's ok to say that about government, probably not the many people would argue anyway.

I'm not sure it is so much about giving up hope, wiht governments or you work, as having personal high standards and a common sense that sees potential for improvements.

There is hope as there are a lot of people like you , it's just that in your particular organisation there do not appear to be many of them.

Perhaps looking at work as something you endure so that you then have the resources to do enjoyable or satisfying activities after the end of the working day. It is important for oyur self esteem and being more comfortable in you life to put all work matters ot one side.

I would suggest you allot a specific time each day for such activities, maybe in the evening - I don't know what you would like but I'm sure you can thing of several things - and this regular self-reward gives something to look forward to each day.

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

Thanks for that, I thought that was too controversial for here.

I'll give it a try, have annoyed my mother & also two people with texts - with my obession. 

On Sunday, had angry outberk at home, when thought it was out of me.

I wrote in journal & did self talk of telling myself to just give up.

I'm trying to find another job. I do have purpose in going to work - but it doesn't feel like a purpose, just money for jam. Very little work. 

I do feel bad a little in wanting the higher ups to be taken away & "better" people in. 

Am writing story & doing a jigsaw puzzle & gardening & housework & just trying to give up on certain people. 

Also, am glad am single, I deserve it. With my shit.

I have an colleague who is always happy with manager & I wish I could be like that too but I can't as I'm dissappointed in her, though she's only doing what she's capable off.  & there's someone else there who gave up their librarian job as they didn't want to sit next to 2 librarians on the ref desk. 

I've wasted my life with the anxiety/anger & I need to learn before I am able to get another job.

Everytime I think I think I'm better - than it comes out again & I can't really blame my hormones, not fair

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

I think you may be right, and that just getting a new job may not be enough.

I remember in one of your previos posts you were starting on medication for anxiety, and previous to that you did not have a psychiatrist.

You have concentrated for many years about the faults of management, even though they talk well and now that work is 'money for jam' as it is not taxing but simply earns money

I was in just one job and I found that there were many things in it that I was unhappy with, it was not a good job as management  would use people till they could do no more then get someone fresh.

This made me very unhappy, stressed and depressed over a long period, and eventually I sought medical help, and a couple of things made me change, yes that is a change in me.

I guess first was hte therapy with my psychiatrist and meds. Then I was lucky to have an understanding and supportive partner.

The third thing was I started to work at the original job part time and had two more. This had a great deal going for it, I was not locked in to just the one work environment  and whenever I left one job and went to the next the attention that took helped me to leave the anger and worries about the first job behind, see them more in proportion. 

While I am suggesting, unless you have already done so, to try to get some treatment for intrusive thoughts and anxiety from a psychiatrist, or failing that a psychologist I am not suggesting you leave your job and get another.

What I am suggesting is to do much as I have done, though as I expect you work full time the alternatives may not be other jobs but volunteering, an area where there a huge variety of activities from Rural Fires Authority office work to leading people round a museum explaining art works.

Work can be an all inclusive environment and take over your life, so by having a 'reset' each time you go to the other activity(s) this helps reduce the thinking about your bosses at the original.

BTW would you like to say what the story is about?

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? Is it okay to want to look for another job. Is it not grateful to want a change from doing the same job for 15 years? 

Plus too, as nice as the bosses are, they're not really about improvement. All they do is just internal stuff, they do do work, just reinvent the wheel, or another way to do the work.

They don't do anything to help the customers, I'm amazed we haven't had complaints.

Am I not grateful for just staying in same job, I proberly will as I'm not good at getting a job. Too many people. 

I think I'm the only one at work dissappointed in the bosses, just sad, & I am trying to do other stuff to take my mind off work, but I think I just need to get another job. At least try too - to find sonewhere where the people like learning, their not lazy & work has a purpose. My workplace isn't going to adapt, update or improve