Desperately worried

[#worriedsick]

My husband quit drinking about 8weeks ago. He was hitting the alcohol really hard and I begged him to stop. He did. He suffered from regular bouts of depression after the birth of each of our children. But our last baby I thought we might of been in the clear as we’ve been going good. But it seems this has come out of no where. He yelled at my son( his stepson last weekend and called him a name) I stepped in and then he said he will not live with him he wOuld rather die. And then we argued. The next day he slept all day and night. He’s this weekend slept all day and night and does not want to talk to me about it. I may be doing the wrong thing , I keep telling him how much he means to me and the children, how much I love him. And he says he does not want to love and that I will move on😭 together we have 3 kids and 3 step kids. I asked him to get treatment as we need him and want him happy. He has outright refused to see a doctor, or get help. He says he just wants it all to end. What do I do . I’m lost this is consuming all of me I love this man with all my heart how can I help him? I can’t get him to get help I’m so scared that he will suicide im lost. I find myself getting angry ( I know I shouldn’t) as I can’t understand why we don’t make him happy? I’d appreciate any advice

[Peppermintbach]

Hi #worriedsick,

I’m so sorry that this is happening in your family. You sound so understandably scared, worried and overwhelmed.

I think witnessing a loved one hurt this much is heart wrenching, & it’s even harder when he seems to be shutting everyone out...I feel for you, for him and your family.

I get the feeling that he has a lot of unprocessed issues, from giving up the alcohol in a short space of time to other mental health issues. But I know it’s really hard when he is flat out refusing help & support...

I think your feelings of anger are also understandable. I think it can really hurt when someone you love shuts you out. I imagine maybe it’s also because you might be feeling powerless (in a way)...

I feel the tricky thing is wanting help has to mostly come from him, & he sounds as though he is not yet ready. I’m not sure if I have any helpful ideas, but perhaps for now, I would suggest that you keep reminding him that you’re there for him.

I would also suggest, when he seems to be in a calmer mood, to try to calmly open up about how his behaviour is affecting the family. This is not to make him feel bad, but as a way to hopefully try to get him to see that he needs to get help, not just for himself, but for the whole family too.

Perhaps it might help to express that too; that getting help is both for himself and his family. I don’t know if that would work or not, but maybe that is an angle you could take (when the timing feel right)?

Thinking of you and your family.

Kindness and care,

Pepper