Coping with Depression - my 2nd thread

[Shanthan]

Hello all,

As mentioned in my previous thread, I'm still fighting Anxiety and Depression. I want to express a few of my thoughts during my fight with mental illness. It's been almost a year since I realised something's wrong with me. Along the way, I always had heaps of questions for myself and the people I interacted with. A few of those questions I would like to mention below;

1. Why do I hate myself?

2. Why do I care about everyone else and not myself?

3. Why don't they care about me?

4. How are the others coping with all the drama in their lives?

5. Am I the only one who's mentally weak like this?

Six and the main one. Why should I live? I don't think it's worth it.

Eventually, I have come to answer all those questions to myself, even if they are correct or not.

I realised I don't hate myself; I hate that I'm weak right now, and maybe, if I give it some time, I will improve.

I realised I care about others because it is Human nature, and there is nothing wrong with it. And why I don't care about myself? I don't have an answer for that yet.

Why don't they care about me? Maybe they do, and I just made up some unrealistic expectations that aren't possible for them to reach.

I also realised that I'm not the only one going through this. There are millions of them, and everyone is fighting hard to overcome that.

And the last question, six and the main one. Why should I live? I don't think it's worth it. I still feel like this sometimes whenever I can't handle the negative thoughts. But, at some corner, I find a light that directs me into a little bit of positivity.

I hope I don't lose that positivity.

Thank you.

[james1]

Hello Shanthan,

I haven't seen your other post, but I understand from your post that when you last posted, you may have been in a much darker space than you are now, and felt less positive than now. I'm glad to hear you have had a chance to go back over those questions you were asking and have a different way of looking at them now.

I particularly like that realisation you have noted about not actually hating yourself, but perhaps a particular trait that you'd like to improve, and can improve. The bit about having unrealistic expectations sounds like it's also a really important realisation. Which is not to say we deserve less, but perhaps when we don't get what we want, it's not as clear as "they don't care".

Humans are strange and confusing, but so many of us are fighting really similar battles, it's really nice to hear your thoughts spelled out so openly in this post. I suspect there will be many who may feel less alone and be able to relate to what you're saying. Certainly it echoes my own thoughts as I was recovering from a pretty severe period of depression a few years ago. Thanks!

James

[missep123]

Hi Shanthan,

Thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable and sharing your experiences and thoughts. I have definitely questioned myself as to why I care about others so much but when it came to my own self-kindness it was truly lacking. I see so much strength in the fact that you analysed some of your thoughts and realised that you do not hate yourself. As James said, the realisation of a particular trait that you'd like to improve totally can be improved.

You mentioned the light that directs you to a little bit of positivity and I see that as a strong flame that sometimes can be very small but when you need it can be fanned to become much bigger and help you in times of need.

Thank you again for sharing and please know that you are not alone

[smallwolf]

I hope you don't mind if I only reply to the following questions...

4. How are the others coping with all the drama in their lives?
5. Am I the only one who's mentally weak like this?

I feel that I have some experience in these matters and hopefully you might get something from my answers

Firstly, you are not mentally weak - there are some things that are happening to you at the moment that are challenging, I don't know if you are getting professional help or not and that you can post here shows you courage enough to be vulnerable enough to talk here about what is going on.

As for the rest of the population, some are good as hiding or not talking about what is happening. It is only if/when you are able to have a real conversation their own issues come to the surface. Of course there will also be many who are also OK.

Before I came to the forums and started posting here, these were two questions I had. Part of this was due to the fact that I did not know anyone with mental health issues among other things. And then, after I came here I found this was more common than I thought. Then... as I started to talk to some people IRL I would get their stories as well.

All I can say is that you are worth more than you might think.

[mmMekitty]

Hello Shanthan,

Thought provoking bunch of questions, which I will need to sleep & think upon - I'm not sure when the last time was that I was asking myself any of these question. Weekend, maybe?

I like questions. 😺 They help me focus my thoughts on a single idea or topic at a time. & then I tend to write heaps, even about seemingly simple questions. I've got a pretty bad flue, so I think you will be spared some lengthy answers. 🙀Too tired.

Have you noticed the thread called "Do you like yourself?...' ? There are many people posting there, often several times.

..Too, too tired now...💤

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

.... Oh, & another thread to look out for: 'What has kept or keeping you here?'

So many various answers. 😸

[Shanthan]

Hey james1,

I'm glad that you said "was" while mentioning your recovery. I hope you are doing good now. Although, for me, it will certainly take some time and I don't know how much. Until then, hearing from people like you inspires me.

Thanks.

[Shanthan]

Thank you all for your kind words. It certainly inspires me when I see that kindness never dies, even if sometimes it feels like it is.

I hope everyone recovers from whatever they are going through.