Can't get out of bed

[olderandwiser]

Hi all,

Thanks so much for sharing your difficult thoughts and feelings here. I haven't engaged with this forum for some years, but am looking for support today. I seem to be in a recurrence of pretty deadening depression, and have been feeling extremely low and unmotivated for a number of weeks,finding it really lonely. Not sleeping until early hours of the morming, then finding it almost impossible to get out of bed until late afternoon. I recently quit my job, am 54 years old tomorrow, and feel like my life has no meaning or direction. Really hard to connect with people, or do the things that will make me feel better. Feels like no life.

[therising]

Hi olderandwiser

As you begin your own personal new year, it's my wish that you come to know yourself in so many new ways, ways that will come to serve you like never before. It's such a truly horrible place to be, in a deep depression, and my heart goes out to you while you face the doubt in finding new ways to come back to life.

If it's of any help, I've found some of the most important words (regarding mental health) to be 'under the circumstances'. These words can help explain so much at times, while giving us the opportunity to be much kinder to our self. Whether it's 'I don't know how to live under the circumstances I face because I've never faced them before' or 'I have no idea what my next step should be, under the circumstances, because I can't see (in my mind or imagination) what the next step/s should be' or 'I don't have enough energy to get off the couch, under the circumstances of having next to no significant energy', sometimes it can be so hard to make complete sense of the circumstances we face. For example, it may not be as simple as 'I've finished my job and I don't know what to do next'. If the circumstances involve not having developed a vision regarding the way forward, not having maintained or developed significant energy levels, not having been given navigational skills growing up and not having key guides in life, such circumstances can come to feel like we're either stuck in limbo or some form of hell on earth. Throw in a vision of the way forward, greater levels of energy, a sense of the best direction and some key guides in life who light the way and the circumstances change significantly. So, it becomes a matter of 'No wonder I'm struggling, under the circumstances. It makes sense'.

Sometimes I find that understanding the circumstances better can make some difference. As a 53yo gal who manages sleep apnea with an oral appliance, I found myself researching the circumstances of what happens to the body when there's a deprivation of good quality sleep. While I once believed sleeping solidly for 8 hours would give me good quality sleep, that belief was wrong. The solid 8 hours have to hold the quality needed for the kind of chemistry and energy restoration I can feel (as a side effect) the next day, otherwise I'm going to have a poor quality sleep 'hangover'. That kind of hangover feels like brain fog, lethargy, destructive internal dialogue and other depressing elements. And while I once believed I was a 'pig' (along with other harsh inner dialogue), I was led to the constructive realisation that with sleep apnea/a lack of good quality sleep, the body simply craves energy and will scream stuff like 'GIVE ME CAFFEINE!!!' or 'GIVE ME CHOCOLATE, CHIPS AND SOFT DRINK!!!'. I've found becoming a researcher (making better sense of things) in depression can help create a clearer vision regarding the way forward. The depressing impact of our habits can begin to make more sense as we develop a vision toward changing them, in order to begin feeling some difference.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear olderandwiser,

I would like to wish you a very Happy Birthday…

I went through going to bed in the early hours of the morning and not wanting to get up out of bed for many years,  because I had nothing to get up for, except loneliness and depression….I read up about lack of sleep and what it does to our bodies, one thing it does do is to pull our depression into deeper depth….makes our emotions higher and we become overwhelmed so easily….

I decided that no matter how hard it was to go to bed at a reasonable time, I would at least try to…Now, 10.30pm is now the latest I go to bed and I always listen to sleep stories when I do….because they take my mind into the gentle story being read to me and out of my own head…to me they have helped, I even look forward to listening to those sleep stories each night…

I volunteer 3 days a week at a charity store, that gives me something to help me to get out of my home and socialise a little….the other 4 days, I’m unmotivated to do anything at all…I used to do so many different things before depression found me, which I did enjoy….Depression does that to us, takes the joy out of doing things we used to like doing….now I’m trying to look for things I didn’t do, maybe learning or doing something completely different might help…..I don’t know….but I do know that surrendering our selves to depression isn’t the right thing to do…..We can never give up….finding a meaning or direction in our lives….I’m wondering if you have thought of volunteering somewhere (even between jobs) if you’re looking for another one…Volunteering has given me purpose and meaning at least for those 3 days I do it….

My kindest thoughts dear olderandwiser,

Grandy..