After a short battle, with short i mean 2yrs, with depression and
finally feeling on top of things, I was beginning to function as a human
being, basically I was feeling good! I went back to my GP for a
medication review where we decided to reduce th...
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After a short battle, with short i mean 2yrs, with depression and
finally feeling on top of things, I was beginning to function as a human
being, basically I was feeling good! I went back to my GP for a
medication review where we decided to reduce the dose, which I was
ecstatic about. I was invincible nothing was going to stop me now.....
Well that's what I thought! 3 weeks in and I was hit with a ten tonne
truck and driven into the ground and couldn't tolerate or function in
daily schedules. The tears turned on and I couldn't turn them off I knew
something wasn't right. To make matters worse I began having a reality
check and felt like failure all over again. I couldn't be happy without
medication. What sort of person was I if I couldn't be happy or function
with out medication. Along with this feelings it also bought feelings of
anger and frustration. To tell you the truth I was p*%#*# off! i wanted
to scream out the anger but didn't know what to scream I knew I was
angry but also knew not many would understand my despair. So I continued
to disintegrate to a point where I wanted to lock myself away as I knew
I couldn't cope with dealing with others. I felt sick, dizzy heavy
headed to name a few oh and on the verge of tears when ever anyone
wanted to speak with me. Back to the GP I went as I knew he would put me
on the right track. After my visit and a long reassuring chat, I
couldn't shake the numbness I felt once again I didn't know whether it
was because I wasn't in control or the reality of possibly being
medicated for the rest of my life! The tears continued too flow much to
my disgust, my eyes were puffy and I look like shift to put it mildly!
How many more times can I keep fighting this? I'm scared there is going
to come a time when I say enough is enough, where I haven't got the
strength to fight anymore. I saw a tree on the side of a tree the other
day in a way I haven't done for at least 18 months. All in all my
journey continues and I continue to fight the black dog, for now I am
being patient and hoping the medication takes this new found pain and
numbness away. Hopefully then I can deal rationally with my thoughts and
deal with the future in a different light. I am trying to be positive
but its taking all my energy at this point of time. yours truly
frustrated