Home with the beast

[amamas]

Hi guys I'm back from my holiday, unfortunately!

Managed to leave the beast (depression) behind so had a really nice time.

But here's the beast back again.  I know a lot of you are thinking we have a choice blah! blah! blah!

Problem is there is so much in normal life that causes my beast to rear it's ugly dark head and swallow me whole.

I don't know how to do everyday life.  

I don't know how to cope with how cruel people can be sometimes.

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

Well, it's like dealing with anything unpleasant.  Bookend it with pleasurable things.  Like when taking bad-tasting medicine, I take a swig of juice (so my mouth isn't so scared), then the terrible medicine, and wash the taste out of my mouth with more juice.  The juice is Wednesday night dancing, or dinner with friends, or rock climbing, or chess in the park, or looking at a picture of a cute cat, or listening to a song you like, or whatever.

There was this video of a buddhist dude I saw once, where he says to pretend as if annoying people are enlightened teachers trying to teach you something.  "What is the lesson here?", you're supposed to think.  "What is that guy trying to teach me by cutting me off and forcing me to slam on my brakes?  What is my boss' terrible breath asking of me?  Patience?  It isn't important to win every argument?  Unconditional love?".

You're supposed to be genuinely humble, placing yourself in the role of student.  But on the odd occasion I'm reminded of this technique, I can't help but do it in a sarcastic, backwards, holier-than-thou manner.  This amuses me quite a lot, which is a good enough thing in itself, I think 😛 .

[geoff]

dear Amamas, I was only thinking yesterday as to where you were, but I forgot that you were going on holidays, sorry my short term memory is lousy.

No I believe that we have a choice, so it's not your fault that this beast was waiting for you to return.

I would presume that after your holiday people would say ' now you're had a lovely holiday then you must be feeling great now'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't work this way at all, I was always told this, and therefore be expected to be 100%, but depression doesn't come and go like a light switch, it's a deep rooted illness. Nice to have you back. L Geoff. x

[amamas]

Hey Geoff

Great to hear from you!  No worries about the memory thing I'm the same.  I really miss my brain sometimes!!  You wouldn't believe how often I forget what I'm saying mid sentence. I find it quite embarasing at times. Even simple stuff like when I'm asked questions like where was that cafe you told me about?  I have to say I have no idea where it was or what it's name was but damn it had good coffee.  I can laugh about it sometimes but at other times not so much.

Thanks for what you said about the beast, it really helped.  You were spot on about other peoples comments. Oh you are so lucky! etc etc.  I didn't say anything but I was thinking yes I had a lovely time but right now the beast has got me (I wish there was a chick equivalent of the expression "got me by the balls" as it expresses so much so simply).

How was your bday with your family?

cheers amamas

[amamas]

Hey Unclaimed Cabbage

Thanks for your reply. Rock climbing, man I used to love that when my body still worked.  I totally get what you're saying and agree with you.  My problem is that I'm still pissed off with my body for giving out on me - CFS. So my juice (love that example!) that I used to use and find very effective I can no longer use.  Yes I know you're thinking just use different juice.  You are 100% right and I am well aware that my attitude to my body is making things worse.  I get all that just haven't been able to move past it yet.  So my current completely insane choice is sulk in complete fury when my body isn't working then when it feels even slightly ok I rush out, overdo it which of course brings on exhaustion and more pain and on the cycle goes.

I knew this was insane but I gotta say it sounds even worse writing it out.  So non physical juice aye?!?

As to the learning the lesson out of all experiences Have you read any Gary Zukav books?  He's totally about that.  He's one of my heroes.  I just added another hero to my list while I was on holiday.

She is a woman in her mid eighties and she was out there on the Great Barrier Reef snorkeling as often as she could everyday. She totally rocked!  I believe you can tell quite a lot about a person by asking them what their favourite bird is (I'm talking feathered varieties here). Theres lots of examples just my own theory though. I asked  this amazing woman what is your favourite bird - to which she replied whichever one I'm looking at at the time. Now that is an attitude that brings a life FULL of juice!

Cheers amamas

[geoff]

dear Amamas, it's great that I can see some humour in your comments, and you know what, the beast curls up into a ball when we have a jovial laugh, it hates us to be happy even if it's for a second or so.

Thanks, my birthday was great and little Marcie grabbed hold of the 'the hulks' little finger and her little hand could hardly hold onto it.

She also called my name 'Grugie' for the first time and this must be an omen in one way or another.

Have a look at this , google it 'things to say instead of that takes balls a definitive list', then you might think of something. L Geoff. x

[amamas]

Hey Geoff

I thoroughly enjoyed that site, gave me a great laugh!  Thanks for that, beast curled up for a while just like you said.

Marcie sounds so incredibly cute!  How precious kids are!!  When I was up North I was talking to my nephew on the phone one night after I'd been out snorkelling.  I told him I'd seen some reef sharks.  He was very concerned and asked me in a very worried voice "Did they eat you?"  I had to balance laughing to myself and remaining serious to reassure him that I was alive and well.

Take care, cheers amamas