Where to start...? I'm 21yr old female and I am the type of person who
is naturally really emotional but also sensitive so it has been hard for
me to realize that I have a problem but I think I can see it now. For
the past 6 months I believe I have b...
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Where to start...? I'm 21yr old female and I am the type of person who
is naturally really emotional but also sensitive so it has been hard for
me to realize that I have a problem but I think I can see it now. For
the past 6 months I believe I have been suffering depression and it's
just getting worse and worse. It started off as a mood every now and
then where I just felt down toward life, I felt sad and lonely at times
for little reason at all and would just find myself crying for the
smallest reasons or no reason at all. It has been hard for me to pin
point whether I'm depressed also because I work a very stressful job
which requires me to be on my feet for 8hrs straight sometimes with no
break, unpaid overtime almost daily, shift work which consists of late
nights, overnights and working almost every weekend, and to add to that
the level of responsibility is taken home with me, so I can never just
go home and relax there is always something on my mind when it comes to
work. Lets just say I am very unhappy in my job and when you're spending
40-50 hours of your week there it becomes very draining. Working late
nights and weekends has stripped me of my social life, and I also get
little time with my family or partner. I just miss people and I miss my
old life. But I have to work this job and these hours to survive, I have
been frantically looking for something new but it's a lot harder then it
would seem even though I have over 5yrs of experience in my profession.
Anyway I believe my job has been the trigger for how I am feeling. I
come home with little energy and I just feel dead all the time, I could
stay in my bed forever if I could. The tiredness and stress has made me
want to withdraw from others in the only bit of spare time that I do
have, just to rest. I come home and just cry, I feel empty, I feel like
I'm stuck in a place I just cannot get out of. The worst part is that
before I had this job I was the strongest person, I had confidence and I
used to smile all the time, I was independent and bright and people
looked to me for advice, I used to look forward to things. But now I
just don't even know who I am anymore, I don't enjoy the things I used
to as much, its just not the same feeling anymore, its like I'm good at
feeling down but i cant feel the highs of life at all. I feel alone and
like I'm stuck in a rut I cannot get out of, I'm disappointed in myself.
I don't eat properly or consistently anymore, mainly because when I get
home I just want to sleep and then I don't get many breaks at work, I
have no energy or motivation to just get things organized for myself
like I truly need. I am very good at faking happiness and faking a smile
so no one even knows I am going through this, only my partner whom is
worried about me and can see that I've changed. I will be going to the
doctors to get help I just am afraid to open up, as I'm not good at
talking to strangers and opening up about myself. The worst thing is the
feeling of being alone, and the constant pain, tears and feeling of
weakness. It's not that I want to die. But I have no idea how long I can
put up with life the way it is now...