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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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RoseToez Down in the Dumps.. not too bad but it like to vent..
  • replies: 2

I just recently went through a break up.. I feel like a fool for letting someone sponge off me and my 2 kids.. Controlling me into how he wanted things to be.. dealing pot from my house and even cooking DMT in my kitchen (without my kids being around... View more

I just recently went through a break up.. I feel like a fool for letting someone sponge off me and my 2 kids.. Controlling me into how he wanted things to be.. dealing pot from my house and even cooking DMT in my kitchen (without my kids being around). He head butted me during an argument.. I had cops remove him and put an intervention order on him.. now I'm left battling a pot habbit all over again.. haven't smoked since he left.. just trying to kick tobacco now. I just feel like an idiot for getting involved so much when my kids should be the most important thing in my life. My kids are 3 years and the other is 20 months. I guess now I know what's most important. I just feel stupid for letting it happen. The sad thing is I feel like everyone is sick of me, I'm in atleast $2000 debt with after pay and my parents... I spend too much on just crap. I've abused Afterpay and can't see myself even buying enough food shopping for the next 3 week's. I have no friends because I abused that during a break down I had 7 years ago. I'm Bipola type 2.. meds are helping the addictive situation.. I just want someone to vent to. I dont want to be in therapy. I cant be bothered. I dont miss him at all I'm just embarrassed at myself.

Avahi-Daemon My emotions are so disoriented
  • replies: 1

I don’t want to die but I also don’t want to be alive either. I feel like I understand more than other people because I’ve been through so much already and that everyone else is completely ignorant to all the things that really matter in life. It’s j... View more

I don’t want to die but I also don’t want to be alive either. I feel like I understand more than other people because I’ve been through so much already and that everyone else is completely ignorant to all the things that really matter in life. It’s just so much all the time and I don’t know how to deal with everything.

aidoru Feeling Like I’m Losing Grip
  • replies: 2

Hello! This is my first time posting. I’m a little nervous. Not even sure if I’m posting in the right category, ahah. I’m 14, diagnosed with GAD at around 10, depression late last year. Started taking medication last year. My anxiety reached a point ... View more

Hello! This is my first time posting. I’m a little nervous. Not even sure if I’m posting in the right category, ahah. I’m 14, diagnosed with GAD at around 10, depression late last year. Started taking medication last year. My anxiety reached a point roughly a year ago where I had to leave mainstream schooling, and now do school online. But my grades are slipping. This school isn’t working, as I have no motivation, no will to work, but I can’t go back to mainstream school. I feel like I’m going mad. My emotions are wonky. I’m always pitying myself. Ive been trying so hard and for so long to change, but I can’t. I can’t even get myself to see my psychiatrist again. I’m scared. Everything feels hopeless. But I don’t want to give up yet. My Mum has mental health problems, and so do my friends. I can’t leave them behind, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I don’t get out much either, regardless of how hard I try to. I don’t feel like dying. I’m scared of death. I just don’t want to be. This is all very vague, and I don’t really know what I’m looking for. Ive been hearing the same advice for so long, and it just doesn’t help anymore. There’s a lot more going on in my head, but thats for another time. Thank you for your time.

outrun I can't change my past and I don't know how to change my future. I'm miserable all the time.
  • replies: 6

I am convinced that I am locked into a future of unhappiness due to the life choices I've made. The regret I feel is overwhelming. I finished high school in 2010 with good grades. My first terrible decision was to enrol into a high-pressure undergrad... View more

I am convinced that I am locked into a future of unhappiness due to the life choices I've made. The regret I feel is overwhelming. I finished high school in 2010 with good grades. My first terrible decision was to enrol into a high-pressure undergraduate degree that I knew very little about, without even feeling as though it could be something I'd enjoy. My second terrible decision was to continue to struggle through the degree rather than drop out as soon as I realised it wasn't for me. I was already diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders coming out of high school, so I thought perhaps they were the cause for my lack of enjoyment and struggles at university. So I continued, for five years, trying to complete this undergraduate degree, often going part time, failing many subjects along the way. I was consumed with the effort of it. In the end, it got to a point where I knew I wasn't going to pass any of the upcoming subjects, so I dropped out altogether. I was now 24 years old, feeling as though I'd just wasted five years on nothing. I had gone travelling for perhaps a couple of weeks in all this time, and hadn't worked any job beyond some basic retail. My next terrible decision was to not explore the world about now that I was not caught up with university. I just worked doing a menial job, saving most of the money and spending it on nothing. This was driving me crazy, and without any better ideas, I made another terrible decision: I enrolled in another undergrad degree, in the same field as before, starting again in first year. I'm 26 now and more miserable than ever. I can't remember not being miserable. I feel like I've sabotaged any chance of being happy in life, for no reason. I wish I could press a button and go back 10 years, but I can't. I don't know how I can possibly be happy in the future now - if I had the freedom to do anything I don't even know what I'd do.

Kio Not sure if depressed but definitely tired.
  • replies: 7

So I won't go into too much detail about my medical issues ( severe eczema) but the mental effects of it is something I never talk about to anyone. Not to my family or my close friends. People generally avoid someone with problems so I never bring it... View more

So I won't go into too much detail about my medical issues ( severe eczema) but the mental effects of it is something I never talk about to anyone. Not to my family or my close friends. People generally avoid someone with problems so I never bring it up, to always keep a somewhat normal vibe. I also hate burdening people so I sort of made it a rule to never show my feelings on this. In fact I may have locked out a portion of my emotions entirely so people don't figure me out. But this... it's getting too much. I'm tired. If it's not my height (162cm) that apparently is a problem, it's my nationality (south east asian), and if it's not my nationality, it's my skin. I had eczema issues for my whole life until early 20's (25 now) so I completely missed the "gaining experience" phase with girls. Back then I decided, "why date if I'll be rejected for my skin anyway". "I've lost before I've even begun". Life felt like I was born with a curse as doctors repeatedly telling me "there's no cure". Nothing against them, but after awhile of hearing that, you start to see yourself as a malfunctioning human. Like I don't have the right to find a partner in life or ever be happy. Ironically, I've become a really logical person after locking out some of my emotions. I'm running on pure logic as a coping mechanism right now. So to me, things like suicide is out of the question because me dying means a burden on my friends and family, so that's automatically out of the question. In 2015, my eczema actually consumed me and put me into a vegetable state where I went through 6 months of torture to fix myself. Everyday felt like a thousand knives were stabbing me. Even then I held out because the logic of "if my body has hit rock bottom, it can only go up from here". After that saga, physically things are better and I've worked super hard to be part of society but I'm tired. My entire life has been the "challenger" and I've always prevailed somehow. But I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of challenging. I don't have anything left except to walk on my knees. I also gave up on people due to bad experiences so I only trust myself when it comes down to it. This doesn't mean I'm rude to people, it just means I never expect anyone to follow through. But life is getting lonely. And darker. I want to cry but I can't. If that happens I feel like I'm admitting defeat. Anyways, I'm gonna keep crawling. If I'm going to fall, I can at least fall forward.

Soraya_M_ Alone With Myself
  • replies: 1

Hello, I'm new here. Not sure where to start, so will just start. I'm 58, a wife and mother to 6 healthy, beautiful kids. Married for 37 years, still in love to a 'blokey' Aussie guy. My husband goes away for work 4 days a week. Our 4 girls are grown... View more

Hello, I'm new here. Not sure where to start, so will just start. I'm 58, a wife and mother to 6 healthy, beautiful kids. Married for 37 years, still in love to a 'blokey' Aussie guy. My husband goes away for work 4 days a week. Our 4 girls are grown and flew the nest years ago. We still have two 17 and 14 year old sons at home. I left my teaching job 5 years ago, due to Major Depressive Disorder/Anxiety/PTSD/Adrenalin Burnout. I needed peace and a quiet life, plus medication. We relocated to a country area 20 mins from town. I have been fairly content, though we are 3 hours from our girls, so with their busy lives, we don't get to see them often. I can't really explain why, but I find myself in depression again. I feel so lonely. My boys are typical teenagers and computer gamers, so rarely get any conversation from them. My husband isn't much of a talker either. We are fairly isolated, but I don't have any desire to go out in the world and prefer my pets to most people. The anxiety/depression has me up all night and I then sleep most of the day and have zero energy. My anxiety has me ruminating about everything, especially the future. The girls have left home, and my career, was my 'empty nest' plan. I always knew I would be very sad when the kids grew up. I thought I would have my job to keep me busy and happy. Without my kids and my job, I don't know who I am anymore. My husband and I have a stressful marriage, as he has these binges over-self medicating and in the past binge drinking. I feel on edge most of the time, because it's like a roller coaster, you know the drop will come eventually. He is currently having counselling himself, which I hope will help him change his behaviours. We love each other dearly, despite the ups and downs and I can't imagine life without him, which is another thing I worry over constantly. He keeps reminding me that we are getting old and is very negative about it, which stresses me out. So, here I am alone with myself and my thoughts. Logically, I know all the things I should be doing (exercise, get out, hobbies) but I hate exercise and don't want to be with people, have no energy. I have no friends (work was my social world) and no desire to make friends. I can't work due to other health issues. I feel overwhelmed by my sadness and loneliness. My GP of 17 years is 3 hours away and I don't like the GPs here. I wake up each day thinking, 'is this all there is now?' The black dog sits beside me again. Soraya

RinRin Toxic Environments
  • replies: 3

Hi, my whole life I've always been dealt with a raw deal here and there and I've always managed to brush it off and move on with my life. Since my early 30's however, it has not been possible to move past any emotional hurdle. I was in a high-stress ... View more

Hi, my whole life I've always been dealt with a raw deal here and there and I've always managed to brush it off and move on with my life. Since my early 30's however, it has not been possible to move past any emotional hurdle. I was in a high-stress job which gave me such severe anxiety I ended up in the ER unable to breathe, and since moving on from there I now live in a home with someone I am very attached to but who doesn't see me back in the same light. Each and every day I'm forced to put on a smile and be supportive of him and his dating life while I hurt so much inside to the point of physical pain in my chest and severe depression. I guess my question here is, whilst I know I need to remove myself from this toxic environment, I can't do so without hurting him and he will never feel the same way about me as I do about him so talking about it won't solve anything. How can I handle this? I don't know how much more I can take of this severe loneliness and feeling of never being enough for anyone. I've been single for 7 years and find it hard to connect with anyone who doesn't just want to use me and then leave. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to keep people in my life that want to stay...

MrsO Returning to Work
  • replies: 3

I’m in the process of preparing to return to work (special ed teacher) after an extended period of maternity leave. I was initially due to return to work 3 days/week when my son was approx 9 months old but IVF, pregnancy (being under-medicated) and l... View more

I’m in the process of preparing to return to work (special ed teacher) after an extended period of maternity leave. I was initially due to return to work 3 days/week when my son was approx 9 months old but IVF, pregnancy (being under-medicated) and life with a newborn really didn’t agree with my major depression and anxiety so I pushed my return date. Then my mum (main support and the only person keeping me going through this already challenging time) was diagnosed with advanced and aggressive lung cancer with 10+ brain tumours. No one would commit to a prognosis but we were told ‘months not years’. Thankfully we had some savings so I could further extend my maternity leave (mum was going to be our childcare) but 4 months after diagnosis, my mum passed away. To say I didn’t cope is an understatement but I had my 9 month old son to focus on so with massive help from hubby I was able to go through the motions, keep everyone alive just doing the bare minimum to survive. And we did this for about a year. Then reality hit and I realised we had just about gone through our savings and I had no choice but to return to work. New meds had me out and about with my son a little more and there were times where I was actually looking forward to going back to work. We’ve got me set up for success as much as I can possibly think of including my son being settled at daycare and he will be attending 4 days per week even though I’m only actually working 3 to give myself that day at home to recharge, recover and prepare for work etc. I was even able to do a casual day on Friday (last day of term) which was just perfect for my anxiety as I only had 3 days to stress about it and I will have time to be prepared for when school goes back. But this brings me (finally) to the actual point of my post. 2 days later and I am still completely drained and just want to hide away and hibernate. I expected this to some extent, I’ve effectively been living separate from the big bad world for almost 2.5yrs, spending the majority of my time at home and really only leaving the house with hubby, and I’ve just gone and dropped myself right into the middle of it, a full day, surrounded by predominantly strangers, not a single ‘safe person’ in sight and then I had to put the mum hat on once we got home! But 2 days feels excessive and so now of course I’m worrying that it’s always going to be like this so I won’t be able to manage so what then?!?

RickyAus I'm incredibly depressed and feel selfish since many people have it worse than me.
  • replies: 6

Hi guys thank you for listening I guess I will share my story. First of all I feel really guilty to come forward with my depression. I have a roof over my head, pay my bills and have my health these are all things I am greatful for but for some reaso... View more

Hi guys thank you for listening I guess I will share my story. First of all I feel really guilty to come forward with my depression. I have a roof over my head, pay my bills and have my health these are all things I am greatful for but for some reason I am not taking any happiness out of life. I work in the entertainment/social media industry 7 days a week and while I love what I do I feel pressure because I constantly have to have my game face on and deliver which is really putting my anxiety levels up as well. I don't have many friends but to be honest this is partly my fault I have abandonment issues that come from my childhood that I haven't really dealt with so i either push people away or become to needy and they leave. I can't seem to open up about how I feel I usually battle all this in silence but when I do occasionally talk about what I am going through I feel my friends look at me like I am broken or a complainer. I also have a girlfriend who is very nice but she is another nationality meaning there can be a language barrier and she doesn't understand a lot how I'm feeling and i think my bad days are pushing her away as she is becoming distant. My personality is a contradiction. When I am having good days I always try to be the annoying optimist and look at the glass half full. I suppose even on my bad days I am the same somewhat but sometimes things feel so helpless I just wish I was no longer here. My line of work and minor financial issues are causing me some anxiety but as far as my depression goes I wish I knew where it was coming from as no matter what positive projects I try I just can't seem to find happiness in my life. Thank you so much for listening everyone I am just very lost.

Anon64 BPD and crippling anxiety and depression
  • replies: 2

Hello, i have suffered from mental illness for as long as I can remember. Recently after a mental break I was diagnosed with BPD. Around this time I left my husband and since have suffered intense shame, guilt, constant clipping anxiety. I have a new... View more

Hello, i have suffered from mental illness for as long as I can remember. Recently after a mental break I was diagnosed with BPD. Around this time I left my husband and since have suffered intense shame, guilt, constant clipping anxiety. I have a new relationship which brings its own challenges and I emotionally react to every slight thing. I’m tired. I’m so tired. I’m tired of being afraid. I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight from physical illness from the anxiety. I have a Gp I take meds and see a psych but nothing has seemed to bring any relief. I have a ok relationship with my ex because of our 2 boys we need to stay in contact even though I have hurt him severely. My new partner is great for the most part but I’m mentally splitting a lot and on eggshells because I cant handle the pain of upsetting him or him being annoyed with me over anything. I seek validation from others constantly and letting people down sends me into a spiral. I want to feel better but I’m almost convinced this is the way I’m going to live. Surviving every day struggling to breathe trying to calm down constant panic attacks. I’m so tired I don’t want to live like this.

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