Why can't I find a career that I can tolerate?

[Slaugh]

Hey everybody,

I finally competed my electrical apprenticeship after 5 years. It's great that I managed to finish however I am more depressed than ever.

I have to say that doing an apprenticeship was probably one of my worst decisions I have ever made. I lost my job 3 times and worked the most tediously long hours (20 hour days were quite common) it destroyed me. My body is shot, I have next to no financial results, or gained any good contacts and networks to peruse this path further.

If I see another cable or even a light switch it makes me shudder. I have literally tortured myself for 5 years with everyone around me encouraging me to finish it, and now that I have, I simply look back with regret. I hate the work, the people and the environment I was surrounded with everyday.

I can't even do the job now without getting extremely angry and frustrated (not a good look for employers or clients). A simple cable run not going right will cause me to fume like nothing else.

I have worked many jobs and gained skills prior, as a network architect and a telecommunicatuons technician. I am now 33 years old and once again I have persued a career which I eventually hated with every fibre of my being.

My depression has become debilitating. I don't leave the house anymore unless really necessary. I have lost all my friends, and don't even do things with my wife and kids. My brother lives next door but never speak to him. I think he's given up on me too.

I am unemployed and can't bring myself to look for work. The thought of being around people makes me want to die. Life seems so exhausting when people are involved and work is about people, either cooperating with or doing things for them.

I really need to find a career I can tolerate. But there is nothing that pays for you to simply exist. And quite frankly existing is feeling lile work at the moment.

I am slipping further down the rabbit hole everyday.

I do realise the irony of complaining about people generally whilst attempting to reachout to people.

[JessF]

Hello Slaugh, I hope you'll forgive me in saying that your last line made me chuckle a little. Not to make fun of you, but because I have been in the same boat. Depression doesn't seem to make a great deal of sense at the best of times.

I think you have a good head on your shoulders for perspective. You're questioning whether the apprenticeship was worth it, yet you still see that it was an achievement to get through and finish it. You're still driven to find yourself something in your work life that will be fulfilling, but you're feeling beaten down by a series of jobs that haven't worked out. It can be hard to find your calling. It's also a reality that many of us will not be working in jobs that we love, so we have to find other ways of making the day worthwhile, through the relationships we form with colleagues, or enjoying meeting new people who are customers and hearing their stories. Sometimes there can be joy just in the satisfaction of a job well done, and that you've solved a problem for someone.

I know all that's a bit general, but it's worth thinking about what you want to get out of a career, how it will make you feel, before you potentially pursue something else that doesn't work out. If you had a magic wand and could be in a dream job tomorrow (no need to think about what it might be just yet), how would you be feeling when you got up to go to work in the morning? Coming home at night? What sort of person would you be, and how would you be interacting with others?

Some big questions there, I know. You sound sad that you've lost touch with friends, haven't been able to do things with your wife and kids, and have stopped speaking to your brother. Those are some things within your grasp to change, even if it's just something small, like going out for a drive with your brother, or going to the supermarket with your family. Big connections come from small ones.

[Maui757]

Hi Slaugh and others,

i just want to say that I really really related to your ost Slaugh. I’m only 24 and I’m a graduate engineer, but I forced myself through 6 years of chemical engineering and hated it. Now I’m working in the industry and still finding ways to hate it.

I don’t have much to say that’s helpful other than it was nice to find this post and know I’m not the only one who’s struggling to find something that feels worth doing. I feel like my depression kills everything for me.

so if anything, know you’re not alone feeling like that. I’m just hoping I find a balance one day where I can have a job I can go to without dreading it, get through the day being productive, and go home at night feeling like I’ve acheived something.

Hang in there - there has to be something for us out there somewhere! And I agree with Jess that teaching out to people is a great thing - I couldn’t cope without my friends and reaching out to them is always the hardest part.

Maui

[Slaugh]

Hi Jess F

Thank you for your response.

I do have a dream job but alas in this country it is somewhat unobtainable an that is astronomy. I have always had a passion for understanding the universe and the physical world, which is why I became an electrician in the first place. To gain knowledge and capability to manipulate one of the four fundemental forces of our cosmos (perhaps a delusion of grandeur).

The reason I didn't persue a career in astronomy was because I was literally laughed out of it by a career councillor in high school. I was doing very badly at school at the time and when asked what i'd like to be I said it. The councilor took a look at a sheet with some information on it and then asked me what I want to do. It was quite traumatic as I was in front of a lot of people when asked and everyone just started heckling.

I do it amateur astronomy as a hobby, i have two telescopes and occasionaly star gaze with my daughter. Who is gifted I might add. But dont have the confidence let alone the brains anymore to persue it.

Since then I have perused my facinations with technology and the revolutions and evolutions of the internet, but it seems to all come down to one thing in the end and that is money.

Whenever money becomes a driving factor in anything I lose interest and motivation very quickly. It feels that all anyone seems to care about.

I don't feel I am a complicated man in my desires. I like peace and quiet, love my family, don't need and am not interested in expensive cars, clothes, furniture, not a fan of restaurants or eating out and don't really spend money on things apart from bills and some small home comforts.

I dunno, I just feel really lost.

[Slaugh]

Thank you Maui,

it is good to know I'm not the only one. This helps believe it or not.

thanks

[Goldclooud07]

Hi Slough,

I totally feel for you and know that you are not alone. I am 28 and been through about 20 different jobs in my life already and I find it it hard to mesh with people due to anxiety and depression. Working in customer service helped boost my confidence and energy levels because you are helping people to it after a while it becomes exhausting because no one helps you...

It's never too late to start a new career, perhaps look into something similar or close to astronomy? I'll be looking to work with animals again, I find it's like therapy and not working at all.

Please keep chatting if you need.

Xx