Bipolar 1 with severe chronic pain and prescription drug problems

[PartyAnimal]

That felt like too long of a title so I really hope someone can help me out or give some advice.

This is only my second post ever so excuse the display name I made when I was 18...

The biggest challenge I am currently facing now is the horrible manifestations of my depressive stage. Being bipolar is somewhat of a blessing and a curse, the highs of hypomania and mania can be the greatest yet fleeting moments of my life. I have always been artistic with both music and drawing. And for a long time I have hoped to one day be a tattooist.

Ive been married for over a year and a half now, and my partner and I have been trying to have our first child for a few months now with no luck so far. I have a relatively stable job with average pay, but my wife still earns more. I've lost a lot of money over the years buying multiple cars that all broke down beyond repair. Financially we are mostly stable, we save what we can but we both have debts and bills to pay so it's a slow saving.

Now for the real issue. It roughly started around the time I had a motorbike accident in 2017. I shattered the cartilage behind my kneecap and it's something that will never heal. After many misdiagnoses I was diagnosed bipolar 1 only a few months after the accident. This finally explained the struggles I've been going through for years. I am currently well medicated and "mostly" stable. But I have also been on fluctuating amounts of opioid and antinflamattory medications for my constant pain.

Theres a high chance I have fibromyalgia, as my mum developed it recently post-surgery. The pain medications only take away the real physical pain and not the complete body pain that's basically "all in my head". I've really been struggling the last month managing my pain. I take as much and as many meds as I can for both the pain and my mental state which is slowly deteriorating. I'm fairly certain that with the meds I take for my bipolar there isn't much I can take or do for fibromyalgia and that scares me. I'm scared of a life dependant on opioids, which the more of I take the higher chance I go into mania or psychosis. The opioids really do help and I don't think I could function without them. I also don't want to be on them forever especially as I'm trying to start a family. I take enough pills as it is and these are the ones I both love and need, yet don't want.

The strain on my marriage is showing as I don't tell my wife the full extent of my struggle and fears

is there anyone who can help?

[quirkywords]

Welcome PartyAnimal to the forum,

You have been through a lot in the last year.

I am glad you feel your bipolar is stable.

I understand how the pain after your accident must be so debilitating. A shattered cartilage behind your knee sounds excruciating.

I was diagnosed with bipolar many decades ago and I feel for the pain you have to cope with.

I am not sure whether you live in a city or town but I know there are pain management clinics around the country that help people cope and manage their pain.

I have a friend who attended one of these clinics and it really helped her. She still has the pain but she can cope with it in a more constructive way.

I wonder if your doctor could your refer you tone of these pain clinics.

I know that certain medications interfere with bipolar medication but I also am concerned that if your physical pains gets too much to cause stress it could affect your moods.

I can understand why you feel you do not want to tell your wife the extent of your fears and struggles but she has probably noticed the way you are. Sometimes partners are upset at what they are not told than what they are told.

Trying to have a baby at any time puts pressure on a couple but with your other issues it will add to the stress.

It is very complicated and have only offered a couple of suggestions that may or may not help you .

There is a thread This bipolar life and you are welcome to visit there and some people there may have some experience with managing pain .

Thanks again for sharing your story.

Quirky

[PartyAnimal]

Thanks quirky,

i have asked about a pain clinic before but my gp said it probably wouldnt be necessary. I think I'll be given a referral to a rheumatologist this week.

Having bipolar is difficult when only my close family and doctors knows about it. There's far too much stigma and b/s theories floating around that it's not even worth explaining. I tell my wife almost everything, and what I keep from her is mostly to maintain the facade that I'm stable and in control.

I will definitely check out the thread you suggested because it's always helpful to see the tips and experiences from people who actually suffer from it.

Thanks again

[quirkywords]

Partyanimal

Thanks for replying.

It is sad that you feel the stigma surrounding bipolar is still too much, I hoped it was changing. I was diagnosed over 40 years ago so have seen a lot of changes. I was In denial for many years because there was little or no information around way back then.

I did hope that with .organisations like Beyond Blue and Black Dog institute , things were different now.

I do find that as there is more information now, nearly everyone thinks they are an expert in mental health as they a read an article on the internet. I get so much advice from these “experts”. I know they mean well but it is so annoying.

I have given talks and interviews to break down stigma.

I also understand it is hard when you are first diagnosed .

You also have your pain to manage which makes it very difficult.

Feel free to post here as often as you like.

Quirky

[PartyAnimal]

Quirky

You are correct in regards to the massive amount of information available today, which is great. But I know what you mean about people thinking they're an expert in something they read online.

Quite ironically, I actually studied psychology for a number of years and despite that there are still many things I learn through both medical journals and personal accounts on forums like this.

Knowing so much about my illness has given me a strange introspective view, where despite my inate knowledge of the chemical and structural composition and the inevitable mood swings of BD; I can't change how I feel or control impulses and outbursts.

I feel that everyone who suffers from any sort of mental illness should have a deeper understanding of what they are going through; but the reality is some people don't, and in a way they suffer more.

From my experience both those who suffer and those who don't; who lack the correct knowledge of mental illnesses yet firmly believe what they know to be fact, are the largest contributors to the stigma and misleading information that both damages and discredits our way of life and how we express our emotions and experiences. It's extremely taxing on a day to day basis where even in a work environment you have to suppress so much of your true self to "fit the norm" or else receive social persecution and judgement those who lack understanding or are completely ignorant to mental health as a whole.

Despite this, I do believe our society (in Australia at least) is definitely improving in its stance on treating mental health in the same way as a physical injury or disease. The greatest things always take time and I hope to see the day where we can openly face our peers eye to eye and see each other as equals.

Long reply so I'm hoping you and others do see it. Thanks