On a endless merry-go-round with no foreseeable end?

[Hidden]

Hi,

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Years, in fact. Yet I feel like I've gone nowhere.

I've been seeing a psychologist every week for the past 6 months. Today was my last session for a while and I feel like I've gotten nowhere. I'm starting to think maybe I've done something wrong. Is this normal? I have a lot going on in my life at the moment so I understand that part of what I feel is caused by situational things. However, there's a large part that isn't. I don't know whether I haven't tried hard enough to get better? Or whether this is just a feeling that I'm going to have to accept for the foreseeable future? I suppose it's hard to accept that maybe happiness isn't for me... especially after so long of trying to achieve it.

I suppose I'm writing here, to feel a little less alone in this. Have others come out the other side of endless psychologist and psychiatrist etc. appointments and felt like they're still where they started? What else can I possibly do?

I'm feeling a little hopeless with it at the moment. I just keep turning up with questions that seem to have no answers. When does this merry go round stop?

[Croix]

Dear Hidden~

Welcome back, I did read your posts about the difference in how you felt between bouts of depression and feeling better and tend to think Gabby was right. Maybe is some way you are blaming yourself -dunno.

I do know you are wondering now if you have not done things right. "I don't know whether I haven't tried hard enough to get better" -um. So how do you do that? It's true some psychs give homework, exercises to do, working up to going out of the house for someone that finds it difficult for instance.

If you have been given exercises and have skimped then maybe you might have tried harder -but even that is not straightforward, the exercises have to be ones that have a reasonable chance of success under your circumstances. Relaxation exercises with screaming kids around is not likely to be of much benefit.

Frankly I think it much more likely that it is simply a case your psych is ineffective. There has to be a click, you have to have confidence, and they have to be on the right track. Maybe one or more of these factors is not there. What is your impression?

Please do not settle for second best. It took me a very long time to find the right regime, but now I'm there. It is very easy to be discouraged but it really does only take a small change to make a huge difference

Croix

[Hidden]

Hi Croix,

With the psychologist I worked out a lot of helpful things. Namely, realising I don't place much importance on my own feelings - instead I'm consumed by other's feelings, constantly trying to help them and doing what I think is best for those around me. Also, my black and white thinking. I find it hard to find the grey area. In saying that though, knowing these things is one thing and being able to change them, or at least be able to cope with them, is another. My psych did try to give me things to do to help, maybe I just haven't applied them enough in my day to day life. It's so hard to sit back sometimes when you're consumed with how you feel and do what ever it is that the psych said to do. As I mentioned, I feel quite hopeless and maybe this has contributed to me not putting enough effort into getting better? I don't see the point sometimes so it's easier to sit and just allow how I feel to consume me.

I see a mental health nurse and my GP has been beyond helpful so maybe I can lean on them a little more in the meantime. If things don't change for the better I suppose I'll be back to finding a new psych! I think I had placed a lot of hope in the one I've just had as all my previous psych's, from when I was younger, I did just click with.

Thank you for your insight though. I'll try and keep my head up!

[dismissed]

Hello I am new to these forums.

I too can relate to the ever turning merry go round feeling, at times when "it" all becomes too hard, too wearying, too much in my face.

I now know that I have to stop and listen to what is going on in my head, remember to breathe, then stop giving myself such a hard time.

I am probably the person who has given me the most grief in my whole life.

Yes to all of the external, out of our control stuff. However, how I have allowed myself to be affected, dragged down over the years, has for me, been a huge part of the merry go round.

I now try to find another playground.

For me changing words in my head, changing my immediate environment, as in go outside or into another room,changing what I can hear, nature, music all helps me momentarily.

The outside stuff is still there, there is a window of opportunity for a shift within me though.

Does that make sense at all?

[Natalia123]

Well considering you have a lot going on for you at the moment it seems that you may feel you have gotten nowhere. You may feel alone but you are not alone.

I have had many of personal struggles and hardships. Sometimes it’s a matter of stepping back and seeing what works for you. It sounds like you have the skills

[Croix]

Dear Hidden

Feeling hopeless/pointless is not a life choice, it is a result, and a most hard one to deal with.

I've no idea if these are appropriate in your life however I firstly rely upon someone I trust to give me perspective, to say, ok there is a remote chance that will happen, but not at all likely. Or doing that is good short-term, but what will it cost you?

Secondly to only try for the achievable - I've had to feel pleased I made myself a cup of coffee in the morning (instant coffee at that:)

Thirdly self-reward, for me books, movies , a walk wiht my spouse and Foxy Dog. For you ? Something everyday to look forward too, that transports the mind.

When you first look at these they do not seem to directly motivate or banish hopelessness, but indirectly they do, or so I've found. They are achievable.

I can see in your posts you have more strength and realistic views than you might realize. Second best is not an option.

Croix

[Hidden]

Please forgive me for replying to all of you in one message.

Dismissed, I understand. I can see how removing yourself from the immediate stressors and external environment might help - even if it is only temporary. I'll have to make myself more aware and try to do that as I feel that I too, let things affect me when maybe I don't need to. Not to say that all feelings are preventable, but if removing myself physically can help, then it's worth a shot!

Natalia123 - I suppose so. I think what I find hardest, is taking that step back when everything is all too much. It's easy to get consumed by it all, which is what I've found happening more often than not. I guess when things aren't too much, maybe that's the best time to step back and reevaluate, opposed to waiting until things get bad again?

Hi Croix,
Not bad ideas at all! Perspective is so important, and yet so easy to lose when everything is a little too much. I don't think I've found that person yet, but I'll have to keep looking. I still live with my mum and brother (family break down is part of the whole situational side of things), so I think I rely on them for perspective - even if it's not a conscious choice. In hindsight, it's been helpful sometimes, but other times I feel more like a burden to them. I'm guessing that part of getting rid of that feeling of being a weight on their shoulders, is just reminding myself that that's not the case? Did you ever find that a problem?

Achievable and being self-rewarding - I'll have to be more mindful of these too. So easy to forget these things that are seemingly so small, yet so helpful in the bigger picture. All so interconnected with perspective as well!

I can't thank you enough for your suggestions.

Hidden