So hurt and alone...

[Newgirl88]

So I have been in a 12 years relationship, my ex husband is defence so we have moved around a lot and he went away alot for work. I have struggled with depression for years and constantly had a feeling of abandonment every time hubby went away. I had a long string of reckless bad decisions when he was away which we got through. But 18months ago I finally went on medication to help my depressive mood and feelings of suicide.

Since going on the medication I felt numb and had this awful feeling of not sure whether I loved my husband. After he was away for 8months I had a massive panic attack and broke up with him. A week later I was finally diagnosed with bipolar. I started new medication and felt great but had this massive guilt and regret because I left my husband who I infact love with everything I have. This was 3 weeks ago.

Since then we moved to Canberra which is his hometown. I dont know anybody here and the first weekend we got here he went to sydney to stay with his ex. We were still in a hotel so nothing for me and the girls to do!? He doesnt understands bipolar and over that weekend I had a massive setback. Begged him to come back to me and our 2 kids. Was bedridden and then ended up punching a wall and telling him how selfish and unloving he was. Screamed and said some disgusting things to him. I came off all social media and hid away in the hotel with the girls.

My question is how do I explain that certain things he does makes me react badly. Is there any chance we could mend this? We have slept together 3 times in the last week. I feel like he loves me still but just finds my history too hard. Should I just move on and let him find happiness?

Help! 😔

[quirkywords]

Newgirl welcome to the forum.

This is a caring, friendly and supportive community.

I understand you have been through a lot recently and probably feel confused .

It can take a while when you start a new medication and also get used to a new diagnosis. Were you diagnmosed by a psychiatrist or a doctor?

Do you know much about bipolar, I am guessing you are learning as well as you learn to live with the new diagnosis.

I have lived with a diagnosis of bipolar for over 40 years and I am not good at relationships so I would not advise but can make some observations.

I think it would be good to sit down with your husband when you are not feeling too high or low, and discuss what your diagnosis means. Maybe try to put thins in the positive, about what he does that helps you. You are both learning and both probably confused.

Would you both be willing to go to your doctor or psych together to discuss how bipolar affects your relationship.

I found that if I kept a journal writing down my moods and the triggers , and the times they happen, I could see a pattern.

What do you want to happen with your relationship?

The main priority is to manage your bipolar.

There is a thread here called This bipolar life and you are welcome to go there and post and read some of the posts. The very first post of the thread explains a bit what bipolar feels like for some people.

Feel free post here as much as you like.

Thanks for writing your first post so honestly and sharing it here.

Quirky