Seeking connection

[Arra]

Seeking connection 

I am Arra I am 30 years old, I like mountain biking, fishing, surfing, gardening and going for walks with my family. I am connecting on here as I feel quite isolated, alone and exclude from other services when I actually need *help* not to be silenced or excluded 
I don’t always get it right, impulsiveness comes with having severe adhd that has affected me my entire life, so sometimes I say things I don’t mean or find rules hard to follow, but I am trying so hard. I have a history of severe and complex trauma, anxiety and issues managing my anger and overwhelm 
I would like to establish connections and a community here. I hope people drop in this thread to say hi. 
culture is important to me I identify as Arrernte 

[Arra]

this is not like the sane forums where people respond 

they picked on me and eventually told me I was too complex ironically too complex for a complex mental health services 

bsnmed for life because I’m too hard not because I actually did anything wrong 

[Arra]

and you know honestly these services they go to the conferences and then try to share some report or some crap to the public… I’m sitting right here with knowledge  and experience of what is like and I know abandoning people when they need help doesn’t work

[Arra]

doesn’t take a genius to know that 

[Arra]

Stupid 

[Arra]

Nobody genuinely cares I know that  for a fact 

[Arra]

You either need to be a straightforward easy case or in crisis 

I’m neither so I guess I just suffee

throw me in the pool hope I don’t drown type thing 

[Arra]

Do you actually 

[Arra]

cause it seems like nobody does a lot say they do but they don’t 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Arra,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums…

I am so sorry that you feel like no one cares for you, but I can say, here on the forums you will be cared for and be supported the best we can..

You have joined an amazing community family with very caring and beautiful people, people who do really care about the members here, and take some time out of there lives to help support complete strangers, with care, empathy and compassion….by trying to support them…

Can I just asked you Dear Arra, why you feel no one cares about you?….it might help us to be able to help support you a bit more…Did someone or something happen to make you feel uncared for…

Sending you a gentle caring hug 🤗, kind thoughts and care..

Grandy..

[Arra]

Had the door close on me from so many “support” services Grand 

this forum is literally my final option I have tried it all 

Somethings I need to work on are my trauma, anxiety, impulsiveness and social stuff

I accessed another forum for many years, made friends, helped shaped the service including some First Nations specific things, they supported me by building things into there forums to help support me

they abruptly took that support offering away and I struggled with the change, the things they built for me they said no longer worked for me (I told them it did) they knew that because I told them and asked for it be reviewed they kept saying no. 
late last year I made a comment that  they misinterpreted as bullying, they banned me for 3 months 

I appealed and they decided instead of listening to my appeal they avoided answering critical questions, they said the 3 month ban was still standing. 2.5 into the 3 months they back flipped, banned for life. Said it was all too difficult. 

I am just too hard for any service, I am too complex for the “complex mental health” service but not in crisis. There’s nothing for me. 
Been told my whole life 

- too angry 

- too difficult 

- why can’t you just follow the rules (I try).

- we can’t support you 

- best of luck but this place isn’t for you 

- we don’t know what to do with you 

- the model doesn’t suit what your here for 

- you broke the rules again (that I try so hard to follow) 

- you are incapable of x

- we are sick of this/you/why is it so hard?

are all things I have been told since I was a little kid including from schools

I’m tired and I’m defeated 

There has not been a day in my life I havenr had to stand up for myself or advocate for myself 

Im exhausted 

Services like that say they care when you contribute to the organisation and do great things Im the golden boy, wow aren’t you great great ideas thanks for all your help one day you could work here with us, but then when you show any sort of challenge or difficulty (remembering that it got worse for me when they pulled back their specific support they built FOR ME using my feedback) then I’m too difficult 

They like me when it works for them basically 

i try to be better day in day out,